Doctors. We tend to forget their people too – with their own theories, skewed perceptions and prejudices. When Bella and Noah have checkups, Patrice and I are often flummoxed by the different approaches and advice we get from our pediatricians. Mark is a listen to the experts type of guy, calling someone “scholarly” is one of the highest compliments he can pay. So when we leave our pediatricians office I have the urge to remind Mark that what the doctor said isn’t gospel. I told him yesterday that I trusted a hundred different mother opinions as much, if not more than a doctor. Mark said the doctor heard the opinions of a hundred mothers so was therefore more reliable – which may be true, if the doctor is open-minded.
So where am I going with this? As I said before, I look forward to Noah’s well visits. I want to get him weighed and measured, ask the doctor questions and get the handout about his development. We take Noah to a practice with over a half a dozen doctors, and when I make appointments I take whomever is available. I like to see different doctors because I can hear their different ideas and also it gives me an opportunity to meet them all before I have to come in for a real emergency. So yesterday we had Doc Cronley. I’d describe her as fairly no-nonsense. She has a firm opinion and she isn’t gonna mince words about it. That can be refreshing when you agree with her and scary when you don’t want to believe her. She asked us if we had any questions or issues and I gave her the big three – 1) Noah won’t drink milk and I’d like to start weaning him a bit 2) Noah only nurses to sleep and 3) He still wakes up at least once a night to nurse. Doc Cronley gave me a slant-headed smirk and asked me if I really wanted to hear what I should do. I knew what was coming so I said “Well… not really, but let’s try it anyway.” In short form she said 1) Noah would drink milk if I stopped nursing him, and if he went a couple of months without drinking milk it probably wouldn’t be a problem especially if he ate any other dairy 2) Noah needed to be Ferberized – leave him in his crib and let him cry it out, that he needed to learn the skills to soothe himself and I was doing a disservice to us both and 3) He woke up out of habit, and I needed to break him of it pure and simple by not going to him in the middle of the night. GOOD GOD WOMAN – why not tell us how you really feel? I told her I didn’t want to leave him cry, that I was reading a book on a no cry sleep solution. She smirked again and asked me what I had learned. I explained that they advocated a gradual month-long process to make the change. Doc Cronley said that if we let him cry it out it would take a couple of days and that was a lot less painful and confusing then messing with their sleep process for a whole month.
So I’m not thrilled with her advice, mostly because I’m pretty sure she’s right but I don’t want to do it. The clincher for me is the fact that while reading the No Cry book I keep going over each suggestion and thinking “Well, that’s gonna make him cry…” and “That’ll also make him cry” and the month long process seems SO long and SO convoluted. But the question is how and when I’m gonna get up the gumption to do this godforsaken sleep training. Will I have to leave the house and make Mark do it alone while I go around the corner and drink a few beers? Maybe they can have me committed someplace. Did your baby cry it out? And if so, how did it go?
So in other checkup news – the boy is 33 1/3 inches and 22 lb 5 ounces, so still tall and skinny for his age. I would have sworn the kid weighed 25 pounds if you’d ask me, and even 40 on some days. It must be those really heavy onesies. And for the first time Noah was afraid of the nurse and doctor touching him. The all-knowing Doc Cronley said it’s totally a developmental thing.
After the doc appointment we went for breakfast at Midtown III diner and then did a bit of shopping – most of it window. The only thing we bought were shoes for the boy. Later in the afternoon I got an eye exam and ordered two new pair of glasses since my prescription changed and they had a half off a second pair deal. I made Mark and Noah come along so I’d be sure not to get glasses that looked horrific on me. I can’t wait to get them next week. They will be the first wearable thing I have purchased myself since before Thanksgiving, aside from the watch I got from exchanging a Christmas gift.
Tonight I’m going out to dinner with my friend Jen Mc. She’s one of the few folks that continues to invite me to go out. Bless her heart. And she’s incredibly understanding and doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when I explain that I can either go out between when Mark gets home from work and Noah goes to bed or not until after Noah goes to bed – because the boy doesn’t fall asleep without me. Anyway – I’m looking forward to getting out for a few hours. I best go and switch my laundry – so that though I don’t have anything new or fashionable to wear, I’ll at least have something clean.
9 comments:
Hi,
Great website! If it makes you feel better, my 15-month-old wakes up at least twice a night! We tried a modified Ferber and it was a disaster. (Guess the "modified" part may have ruined it.) My view is each kid is different and various things work for various toddlers.
I'm also weaning . . . gradually, since New Year's. Last night our son wasn't interested in nursing before bed (first time ever), so my husband took him upstairs for a book, snuggle, and rocking, then put him to bed drowsy but still awake (tip from babycenter.com). We decided to try that as our new ritual. We'll see how it goes.
Good luck! I think your instincts are more appropriate than a doctor's because you know your child so well.
Oh, and I just joined PhillyBlog ring, but haven't figured out how to paste the code into the sidebar. Eep, I'm a novice. Typepad may be different, but please email me if you have advice.
One thing I will tell you - there are TWO things you should NEVER ask for advice about from a dr. - sleeping and breastfeeding. Many dr's claim to be pro-breastfeeding, but most really arent'. I think they make too much money from the formula companies. The attitude of her strikes me as someone who is trying to make the baby independent, which actually makes them more DEPENDENT, if they aren't ready. I have found that Dr. Sears' has WONDERFUL advice and I wish I lived near him so I could take my children to him. www.askdrsears.com. Your instincts are the most important (which you already know). so keep doing what you're doing!!!!!
ay yi yi. we've talked about how things are really difficult with this whole cry it out thing, and I wish I had advice for you. or at least a case study in weaning and/or getting babies to go to sleep.
I can't wait to see the new glasses and I hope dinner tonight with jen is excellent. I would also like to formally state my intention of going out with you to dinner for valentine's day. (ish. not on the day itself.)
I always love getting new glasses. I look forward to hearing about what works for you with the sleep thing. It's a tough call. I agree that you know your baby better than any doctor ever could.
I hope that I'm not crossing a line here, but I am a doctor in my non-blog life. And unlike an MD who studies child health and medicine, I have actually studied typical child behavior. Doctors are not trained in sleeping behaviors or nutrition. They have too many other things to focus on. Besides that nursing, nutrition, and sleeping are really all dictated by the culture, not by science. There's no one right way to any of this. Many cultures don't expect kids to sleep through the night, nurse until 4-7, and never introduce animal milks. It's just that Americans have been brought up to believe these things.
Attachment theory and Erikson's theory both strongly emphasize the importance of being able to trust a caregiver to meet a child's needs. Infants and toddlers only have so many ways to communicate, and unfortuantely we're biologically wired to react strongly and quickly to crying. That's why crying it out feels so bad. You love your son and you don't want him to feel bad. That's evolutionarily healthy. That's what is supposed to happen. It keeps you close to him to take care of him.
I stronly believe that there is no one way to raise a child. I know what the research suggests is best for a child, but I also know that each parent-child dyad may need something different.
We let Dermot cry it out at 9 months and part of me is horrified that I did that to my little guy and the other half of me was so happy that he slept through the night. It lasted only three days, but I know that for some kids the crying never goes away and you have to stop trying to CIO. I think that it's up to you to figure out a compromise that works for you and Noah. I know that if you wean him he will still wake up and then you will have lost the one tool that you had to help get back to sleep, or at least that's how we see it at our house. We're having all sorts of sleeping troubles at our house again since we got rid of the crib but I will blog about those later.
As for dairy, I don't need to say any more about where I stand except to say that I know why you're worried, but he doesn't really need milk. He's healthy and he can get the nutrients from milk in other places, especially if he eats other dairy foods. Dermot only drinks water and breastmilk when he's with me. Once in a while Ethan will give him some soy milk on the weekends, but not all of the time. He gets soy milk twice a day at day care. So I bet he gets less than 8 ounces a day of soy milk and he's healthy. If you want to replace breastmilk so that you can drop a feeding you might try just water or calcium fortified juice. Too much milk can actually leech iron from the system and then the kids turn out either anemic or almost anemic which isn't diagnosed, but seems to have an effect on temperament, iq, and other things.
I am now officially off of my doctor's soapbox:)
So I'm guessing your doctor to be in her mid 40s at least. This is the age I am and why I was asking Lonna about extended breastfeeding beyond a year, because we were raised to believe it was damaging to the child. Having said that lets do a list.
Have we ever heard of a criminal saying I cried and my mom responded everytime so that is why I'm where I am. I think not - I have heard of many saying "No one was there for me when I was young - and I never learned how to cope with things" so.........
Have we ever gone to bed crying our eyes out and had NIGHTMARES all night long - YES YES I HAVE!
When raising my children there were 2 times that discussions of why what you did was wrong was not a viable discussion. That was at bedtime and a meal time, I hated crying at night and trying to swallow my food with a lump in my throat.
Um, I'm only mommy to a dog so all I can say is good luck! I love getting new glasses, they are so much fun!
I couldn't let sophie cry--ever. It was too hard. It felt too wrong. So--I got up with her. A lot. And it sucked. But--I wouldn't have done it differently. She still gets up at night sometimes, but I can live with that.
I agree that the no cry thing was tricky and convoluted. Just be the kind of mommy you want to be--the kind you feel in your heart is the best mommy for Noah. Oh wait. You already are.
"She’s one of the few folks that continues to invite me to go out."
You could do the inviting sometimes. Just sayin...
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