That good night

The last thing I want is for the blog to seem morbid – but I have another piece of bad news. This Thursday Laima, Mark’s 97 yo Grandmother, was found unconscious in her bathroom. It appears she has had a massive stroke and will not regain consciousness. The worse bit of it is that it may take her body some time to begin to shut down so she may be lingering in hospice for some time. Though we will miss her dearly, I have to admit that her imminent death is not nearly as sad as a run of the mill death. Laima lived a very long, full life and as a very religious woman has been anxiously awaiting death. As she has explained to me it is difficult for her to watch so many of her friends and peers pass away, including her husband, to go to countless funerals and to soldier on as her body got increasingly more pained and slow – all the while knowing that just on the other side of this life is salvation, a glorious date with God. I know she will not be sad to go. What would make her sad is the lingering, or even worse regaining consciousness while being drastically impaired. So for Laima I wish an expedient and painless death, and that her Lord and afterlife be everything she hoped for and more.

On the very positive side I will note that we went to visit Laima just two weeks ago. It was the first time she saw Ray and it really did feel like a very satisfying goodbye though we had no idea of knowing at the time since she wasn’t the least bit ill. Mark went to go see Laima yesterday at the hospital but myself and the boys did not go. If Noah is able to hold on to a memory of her I want it to be a living one. I have explained to Noah that his Gagama is dying – that she is very old and very sick and that it will be very sad to no longer see her but that she believes in heaven and is excited to go there. But it is such a complex and scary concept to describe to kids. To make sure he realizes everyone who is sick is not going to die, that everyone described as old is not on death’s door. But yesterday morning I had him make a card for Laima – to say goodbye, and Mark took it to the hospital. I asked Noah what to write on it and he said “Goodbye Gagama! I will miss you. I love you. And that’s it.” I don’t know if I’m handling all this correctly though since I’m just following instinct. Looking forward I think I will take Noah to her services but I really do not want him to attend the viewing – which will be difficult since I should really be in attendance. But I guess we will get to that when it comes. You folks have anything to share about helping a preschooler deal with death?

So, enough death for the time being. Noah’s second day of school went really well. He got the required four hugs and kisses and marched into class. No crying. And this time he did play with some toys during free time – though he says he hasn’t yet played with any other kids. Miss Laura told me that he was a very smart and funny boy who told her he was a bunny and hopped around the sand box. And also later she saw him with a faraway look on his face so she called him over and asked if he was okay. Apparently he said “I was thinking I should tell a teacher that I have to poop.” This week is the first week he will go on Monday and Thursday, and that the whole class will be together. I’m excited for this because Noah has two friends (Lily & Maia) in his class who have been going on Thursdays and I hope they hope make him feel more comfortable. Though he really is already on his way.

Well I have more but the baby is stirring and I should have been drying my hair and folding my laundry. Always a list of shouldas.

Sophia

Precious

I have never seen as much sorrow and grief as I saw today. This morning Mark and I went to the viewing and services for his cousin Stephanie’s two year old daughter Sophia who died unexpectedly this past Wednesday. Sophia was a seemingly healthy and vibrant two year old girl until she was diagnosed with an enlarged heart and passed away in the span of week. There are no condolences appropriate, no sense to be made, no silver lining. There are no words. It is every parents' worst nightmare.

I can’t stop thinking about Stephanie and Joe, what they are going through and what they will go through every day, how they will manage to make it through – and also of Anna Rose, Sophia’s 4 year old big sister, what she understands and the pain she will always carry with her. I was considering sending a picture book on loss of a loved one to Anna Rose and as I was doing some research I came across an independently published book called “Am I still a big sister?” The title alone made me weep.

I am once again reminded to be so thankful for what I have, and yet I feel so guilty clutching at my children greedily when I know how empty and lost Stephanie and Joe must feel. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever endured this kind of unimaginable loss. And yet that means so little.

Say "cheese."

His first day of school. Sigh.

Noah was excited. He seemed revved to go. In the morning he was playing with plastic bugs as I got my shower. When we went downstairs he bid them adieu by saying “Goodbye bugs! I’m going to school. But I’ll be back in two hours.” He told me he was reassuring them so they wouldn’t cry. He made quick work of his lunch (Thank God), peed on the potty and got ready to go out the door without a fuss. After I parked the car but before we got out Noah said “Goodbye, Mama.” And I laughed and said “I’m going to take you inside silly.” We had to wait in the gym for a few minutes until the Director came in to say “It’s time for school.” They put out a bunch of balls for the kids to bounce around while waiting. I could tell how hard Noah was willing to try when he walked away from me as if he was going to go get a ball but then just stood in the middle of the gym looking at me nervously. When the announcement was made I signed him in, put his name tag on his back and took him downstairs to his classroom. Teachers were there to greet the kids at the door and bar the parents from coming in. I gave Noah a hug and a kiss and told him “You are going to have a good time. If you need anything ask a teacher - if you need to go to the potty or even if you are just feeling a little shy and want someone to play with you. I love you and I’ll see you in two hours.” He said “Okay” gave me a shy smile and walked in to the classroom. And here is where I screwed up – I should have walked right away. But I didn’t. I kind of moved to the side to see if I could see if he walked right in to play with the toys or if he went to a teacher. He looked back up and saw me so I blew him a kiss, and smiled and he started walking back out towards me. Miss Laura saw him and guided him away from me and into the classroom and I hit the road. I didn’t cry but I felt choked up and a little physically ill but once I got to the grocery store I was fine.

I made quick work of shopping and even stopped at Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee (yes, I still have a very real addiction to those.) Even though I couldn’t pick him up until 2 and it was only 1:30 I went back to the school figuring I could nurse Ray in the car and just hang out until it was time to go in and pick Noah up. After I parked the car out front I got out and went around to get Ray out of his seat. As soon as I did I noticed that there was a group of kids outside using the sand area – and Noah was one of them. While most of the kids were hunkered down in the sand, Noah was sitting with a teacher. Miss Rose was sitting in a chair and Noah was standing in front of her with her arms around him. I decided to quickly move the car on the off chance he spotted me, but I moved it just far enough so that I could catch a glimpse of him while nursing Ray. He eventually moved away from the teacher but was just pacing around with his hands behind his back. I felt sad for him. Soon enough though they collected the kids and took them inside.

I went in at 2 and Noah was all smiles and relief to see me. He was still sitting on the story carpet. I asked Miss Lyn (there are 5 teachers for the 22 kids) how he did and she gave me two thumbs up as she said something I didn’t quite catch since Ray started fussing. As we headed back out the door Miss Rose, who looks like your typical grandmotherly sort – which could be used to describe nearly all the teachers there – called Noah her buddy, gave him a hug and told me what a good boy he was.

So what does Noah have to say? “I cried a little bit.” Why? I wanted to give Mama another hug.” (Which is SO my fault for not leaving immediately.) Did you play with the toys? “No. I cried.” Did a teacher help you stop crying? “Yes. She asked me if I wanted to color.” What else did you do? “We went to the sandbox. Some boys threw sand and it got in them eyes.” Did you throw sand? “Yes/No” (this answer changed repeatedly.) Did you have a snack? “I didn’t have a cookie. I had crackers and juice.” Apple juice? “No. It was darker.” Did you read stories? “Yes. A story about a dog who hid. And a wheels on the bus book.” Did you sing? “Not Christmas songs or that other song.” You mean God Bless America? (he has heard me tell other people that the school promised to teach all the kids God Bless America by Christmas.) “Yes.” Did you talk to any other kids or make any friends? “I was warming up. When you don’t know people you have to warm up and then you can play and know them names.” Did you have a good time? “Yes.” Do you want to go back next week? “Yes. I might cry a little bit.” Well next time I’ll give you three hugs and three kisses before I leave okay? “I want four hugs and four kisses.” Deal.

So that’s the first day. It’s about what I expected. I’m proud of him – he tried so hard and stayed so positive. Hopefully he’ll “warm up” soon. Until then I’m sure he’ll just follow the teachers around. What seems the most mind blowing to me is that now he’s going to have this life outside of me. He’ll have these relationships with the teachers and the other students that I won’t witness firsthand and I’ll have to observe snippets and ask a billion questions to find out what is going on. I find that so scary. I better get me an apron with some really, really long strings.

Argh! A mouse.

Pirate Noah's look is aided by the fact that he fell this week and lead with his face. And take a gander at the ephemeral moods of Master Ray - or as I'm calling him this week our Mighty Mouse.

Like sand through the hourglass

I’m still here. I’m managing to survive solo days with the boys. In fact it seems to be going fairly well. The secret to my sanity is just keeping busy. I have to get Noah out of the house every day because for me it’s far harder to care for the baby and entertain Noah all day at home. Plus the baby does better out of the house too – new things to stare at wide-eyed – that is when he’s not sleeping. So we’ve been to the Please Touch Museum, to the Smith House twice, to the library, to a few playdates and then to do assorted errands.

Of course that isn’t to say we haven’t had some challenges. Noah has got me racking my brain over two issues. The first is mealtime. Noah is a good eater. There isn’t anything he won’t consistently eat and he eats plenty. However he takes FOREVER to do so. He’ll sit at the table for over an hour with me begging him to pick up the pace – meanwhile he’s off in his own little world, talking, singing, making sound effects and playing with his food. I’ve suggested setting the timer for meals and if it goes off and he’s not done eating he won’t get dessert – but he absolutely panics when I suggested it. One night in his sleep he shrieked “Don’t turn on the timer!”

The other problem is bigger. Noah has always had a difficult time disengaging. If he’s in a zone, having a good time and you try to tell him he needs to stop what he’s doing he is less than thrilled. And when he’s the least bit tired he reaches hysterical meltdown levels. These are particularly alarming because Noah is normally so well behaved, so reasonable and so good at expressing his feelings. But when he’s shrieking, crying and making irrational nonsensical demands I’m at a loss. It’s like a Jekyll/Hyde situation. In fact normally after calming down he’ll say of his own accord “I’m sorry I was crying. I was a little tired.” But when he’s in the heat of one of those crazy moments there is nothing I can say to get him out of it – I just have to wait for him to boil over and run out of steam. This is particularly taxing when Ray is awake and requiring care at the same time. On Wednesday after twenty rounds of "I don't want to go. I want to do ONE MORE THING" I had to carry Noah crying, kicking and screaming from the Smith Playhouse playground with a sleeping Ray strapped to me in the Bjorn. It was nasty. I have to pull out my parenting books to try and refresh myself on the dealing with tantrum strategies. Suggestions?

Noah’s first day of preschool is on Monday. He’ll be going on Mondays and Thursdays from 12 – 2pm. When anyone asks “Are you excited to start school?” Noah says “Yes. But it’s gonna be a little sad because Mama won’t be there.” But I think he’s going to be fine. Today we went to an orientation and he got to meet some of the teachers and play with the toys. At first he was hanging by my side and asking me to come and play with him but I told him no and encouraged him to play on his own. As I suspected he glommed on to a teacher who put a bunch of puzzles together with him – and then he was ready to strike out on his own. I asked him before bed tonight if he’s going to cry when I drop him off on Monday and he said “No.” I told him some of the other kids, the younger kids might cry and he told me he’d help them stop crying because he was a magical king. I might need a magical king to stop my crying on Monday – but I guess Ray will be enough of a distraction.

But I have a feeling that Noah is really ready for school. Just in the last few weeks he’s seemed so much more social at picnics and parties we’ve been at. At a picnic at my Dad’s place he spent all day running around with his cousins James and Julius and at my Aunt Jill’s surprise birthday party he was cavorting in the disco lights with his cousins Aelan and Evan. Both times he barely seemed to notice I was still there – and that feels really good and also makes me sad. It’s like he’s a REAL LIVE BOY! GOD – the time is going by so fast already. Blink and I’ll miss it all. Any day now I’ll be one of the older ladies in the grocery store oohing and ahhing over random children and telling their mothers “I wish my kids were still that small” and “Treasure every moment.”

And with the passing of each day Master Ray grows. He’s two months old today. He’s really begun cooing, throwing his arms and feet around and smiling. His awake and content time is increasing and I look forward to him “doing” things like playing with toys and laughing. He is happiest in a sling or in my arms. Seems he didn’t get the memo that second babies should be content to hang out alone and untended to for long periods of time. Like Noah he wants to always be close and cuddled. Don’t know how on earth MY kids got to be so emotionally needy. Ha. Mark says “It’s not my fault. You are the one that doesn’t like to be alone.”

Hmmm. Me. What is up with me? Well I look a mess. I need to lose 30 pounds and I desperately need clothes. I’ve realized that for the most part I wear disposable clothing. I buy almost everything from Old Navy – because of the basic styling, price and convenience. And I only have a handful of things that I wear and wash and wear and wash until they are shrunken, threadbare or stained – so by the end of every season my clothes are trash. Add to that the increasing and decreasing weight with the pregnancies and it gets all the more complicated. I have nothing remotely fitting and flattering for fall – forget fashionable - and I don’t have the time or money to buy anything. It makes me want to hide in the basement in my maternity tank tops and faded, saggy Levis.

I have to rap this up because I have TV to watch with my husband. We’ve actually been Netflixing a lot of TV shows lately. We were never watching the movies we received – the two hour time commitment seems too much when you’re exhausted after putting the kids to bed. So we switched to shows and have really been enjoying Weeds Season 2, Extras Season 2 and Dead Like Me Seasons 1 & 2. Next on the list I believe is Dexter as well as 30 Rock. And I’m eager for The Tudors to be released. Also considering the 4400. Anyone like that? (I should italics and link all those titles but screw it.)

Oh and I’m SUPER behind on blog commenting but not so much on reading. I can get to a site and read with a baby in one hand and a toddler hanging on my leg – but can’t type. So I’m sending comments via super internet brainwaves. Anyone receiving those? Julie? Katie? Lonna?

What I Did On My Summer Vacation or, The Numbers Don’t Lie

by Marksthespot

• Rode 1 Duckboat – received 4 plastic quackers
• Visited 1 zoo – saw 1 baby tiger cub (out of a possible 2)
• Enjoyed 1 Indian-American festival – wondered if Noah would enjoy a Bollywood dance class
• Spent 1 afternoon on 3 trains and 1 ferryboat – in a big circle
• Attended 5 outstanding family picnics – with 3 different branches of family
• Watched 140 hours of baseball – spent 20 hours doing it (thanks, DVR!)
• Made a list of 25 non-child-related “Things to Get Done” – did 3 of them
• Rejected 2 onesies as too small – already!
• Changed 150 diapers – got peed on 147 times
• Was spit up on 69 times – less than expected
• Received 12 brief infant smiles making it all worth it – 7 may have been gas
• Acted in 189 performances of record-breaking off-Broadway hit Momma’s Got a Baby in Her Belly – played role of Big Sister 112 times, Grandmother 52 times, Momma 21 times, The Doctor 4 times and Tiny Baby 0 times
• Received 0 positive responses to suggestion that I lay on the bed for just a few minutes before playing with trains – at 7 a.m.
• Watched 53 episodes of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood – saw Lady Aberlaine at 30, 40 and 50 years old
• Listened to Icky Thump 47 times – participated in 7 “Jack and Meg” shows as acted out by Noah
• Juggled 2 baby monitors with 3 receivers – across 4 floors
• Had 104 nighttime sleep interruptions – and got off easy, compared with Nicole
• Woke up 6 times in Noah’s bunkbed – with a 75-inch frame for my 76-inch frame
• Experienced 30 instances of the joyful satisfaction of getting my child to sleep – 15 times infant division, 15 times preschooler division
• Cut 18 tags out of brand-new underpants – 7 Thomas, 7 Elmo, 4 miscellaneous
• Cleaned up just 4 potty-training accidents – in over a month!
• Handed out 22 toys celebrating potty success – total cost, $23
• Used 29 sick days, 6 vacation days – all worth it
• Lost major patience 9 times – apologized 9 times (hopefully)
• Gave out 1,172 unsolicited kisses – Nicole 175 (should have been more), Noah 397, Ray 606 (he can’t run away), all at once 14 times (yes, it can be done)

I'm no Edmund Hillary

In less than a week Mark will be back at work and I will be home alone with the dangerous duo. Honestly I’m quaking in my boots. The dreaded double crying jags fill me with fear. It’s those moments that make me feel like my head will explode and my first inclination is to join them rather than soothe them. One cryer – no problem. Two – insanity. I can’t hear myself think and I feel useless to pacify either of them. The other major obstacle is exits. Getting everyone dressed, packing a bag and getting out of the house with both boys in a timely manner seems akin to climbing Mount Everest. Clearly some people have done it before – but how I can’t even imagine. Sure, it won’t be long before all of this is old hat and I’ll be a pro – but NOW – I’m one nervous Nelly.

So what have we been up to? I can barely recall. I’ll try to recap the highlights – even if it’s for noone else’s benefit but my own.

We had a lovely visit last week from the Juliloquy family. They brought us some divine Thai food that was outshined only by their company. It’s so amazing to me to have met such smart, interesting, friendly people via blogging and to have translated it into a real budding friendship between our families. We can’t wait to meet their little Polly.

We went to see the Cole Brother’s circus in the Northeast. It was sort of a sad, poor man’s circus experience but we got the tickets free for making a donation to the FOP and Noah did really enjoy the performance. But surprisingly he hasn’t been acting it out as much as I anticipated. He’s been hung up on a few different scenarios that repeat themselves almost daily. The pregnant Mama/new baby/big brother drama is ever present. He’s the Mama and Mark and/or I are normally the older sibling. Birthday parties are another recurring theme. His trains and cars are constantly celebrating. He’s also gearing up for school starting in September by sending his Little People off for some learning. And for a week Noah was making us act out word for word an episode of Berenstain Bears wherein Sister Bear was ostracized by Hillary, the new girl at school. Oh and the new popular story line involves vomit, but I guess I didn’t mention that yet.

Sunday was Mark’s birthday. I’ve been too out of it to plan a damn thing so when my Mom asked if we wanted to head to her neck of the woods and have brunch with her and her fiancé at The Washington House we jumped at the offer. On the way to Mark’s birthday celebration Noah got sick in the car. In fact he vomited all over himself. At that moment we thought he could have a stomach bug but it turned out he was just motion sick from intently staring at a pop-up Pinocchio (Pokey-nose) book in the car. Anyway we didn’t make it to the restaurant. After a cursory cleaning job and a change of Noah’s clothes in the parking lot of a Wawa we went straight to my Mom’s place even though they still went out to brunch. Of course they were thoughtful enough to read us the menu over the phone and bring us back food. And Mark spent quite a bit of time on his birthday trying to un-vomit the car. Happy Birthday to YOU, Mr. Family Man.

Oh on Saturday we went into the heart of central Jersey to the second birthday party of one of Mark’s cousin’s daughters. They went all out – kiddie pools, slip-n-slide, moon bounce, coloring table, and hired help to do a sand art/spin art table. And then there was the food – fried chicken, salads, chips, gumbo, crabs, corn, Rice Krispies treats, and an ice cream cake. It was an insanely hot day but we spent almost all of it outside. Ray slept while I chatted and snacked. And Mark trailed Noah who had a BLAST. I think he would have considered marrying to acquire that slip-n-slide.

On Monday we went to the Zoo with my cousin Tammy and her two kids. We had a really great time. Again – Ray slept and Noah cavorted. It’s really heartwarming to see how comfortable Noah is with his cousins. They were chasing each other around, making faces and laughing together. So sweet.

This week is a crazy blur of appointments. I had my six week postnatal OB appointment on Tuesday. Fun, fun. Today Noah and I had dentist appointments – his first and shamefully my first in almost four years. As I had anticipated he did exceptionally well. Both the dentist and the hygienist were floored by how cooperative and sweet he was. He always makes me so proud. I was not so proud about my dental check-up. Though miraculously she didn’t see any cavities (though the X-rays will tell for sure) she did say I needed a rather rigorous cleaning that would require I be numbed so she can mercilessly scrape all the crap off my teeth. So I have that to look forward to. Mark stayed in the lobby with Ray – who slept. Tomorrow after a playdate with one of the kids who’s going to be in Noah’s class when his school starts (Sept 17) we have a lunch date with Patrice and then hair appointments all around.

Um… what else? Oh, Ray is now on Zantac. It makes a HUGE difference. Though already his dosage needs to be increased. We’ve been giving it to him every twelve hours and it’s obviously wearing off around ten. The result is two hours of miserable discomfort for him. It sucks watching him suffer while his stomach tortures him. And the sad whimpering is far more gut wrenching than the full volume caterwauling. And potty training is still going splendidly. In fact I consider us done, really. At the end of this week when Noah finishes his last sticker chart he will have a Potty Party and a certificate declaring him an official big boy potty-user. It’s the only thing I could think of to put an end to the reward system so I don’t have to give him stickers and cars and trains forever.

So it really has been nice having Mark home. He’s become really close with Noah during his extra time at home and I hope that doesn’t suffer too much when he goes back to work. I know in the past Noah has in certain ways held it against Mark that he wasn’t here all the time. But I think Mark’s ready to head back to the office. Not that he doesn’t really enjoy being with his family, because he does, but I think some quiet office time might be nice for him. Even if that means dealing with his boss. I’ve asked him to write a “What I learned on my summer vacation” posting so hopefully we’ll have that insight some time in the next week.

And that’s where we’re at.

This is livin'

Celebratin' Pop's birthday, chillin' in the sling and gnawin' on Mama.

Oh hai!

I can has cheezberger?

Livin in a land of candy

So the little tyke had his one month checkup last week and he’s getting less and less little. He’s nearing a whopping eleven pounds already. It seems in the 23 days between his last two doc appointments he gained 27 ounces. You see – I told you he wants to nurse ALL the time.

Life in the land of two offspring is dizzying. One moment I'm all "WHAT were we thinking?" and "I'll NEVER be able to handle them ALONE!" and the next I'm thinking "GOD I LOVE THEM! This can't be my last one."

I’m sorry to report that gastric reflux has reared its ugly head. Slowly Ray has been showing symptoms and they have been getting more and more severe. This of course is rather disappointing but on the up side it gives us hope that soon there will be less screaming. This boy – he’s got some lungs on him. Noah NEVER screamed like this. Ray goes from quiet to window-shattering decibels in one second flat with no plaintive mewling in between. In fact when he screams he does it so forcefully, and so angrily that his whole body turns beet red and he looks like he might pop some blood vessels. It can be quite disconcerting, but over time I’ve gotten more and more accustomed to it. Now I’m able to just hold him calmly and comfort him and wait for it to stop, but Mark isn’t fairing so well. It’s still melting his brain. As it does with just about anyone else. On Thursday my father-in-law's wife was in the car with us when Ray started screaming and she wanted me to stop the car because she was certain he was in life threatening peril. I was all “Nope. He’s fine. He’s just angry and wants out of his seat. He’ll stop when he feels like it.” I don’t want to give the impression that he’s an unpleasant colicky scream machine – he isn’t. He sleeps a lot and anytime he’s out of the house he is a dream – just loves looking at the world and being in a sling. But several times a day at home he goes through these short inconsolable crying jags – and though they often seem attributable to possible reflux symptoms or really bad bouts of gas – we can’t be sure. Today we started giving him small doses of Maalox and if those don’t work we’ll go back to the pediatrician later in the week to get a prescription to Zantac.

Every time I take Ray out I get stopped several times by strangers all of whom make some comment on his red hair. Today while grocery shopping with Ray in the Baby Bjorn at the Shop Rite in Port Richmond three separate old ladies stopped me to say variations of “Ahh! A little red head! He’s so adorable. How old is he? Ahhh! He’s precious. Bless you!” With this many blessings a day we can’t go wrong. While I was stocking the fridge (for like two days – I swear I grocery shop incessantly) Mark and Noah were on a transit adventure. They took the Septa El to the Patco train to take them across the Betsey Ross Bridge and then took the River Link Ferry back across the Delaware and then home on the El. There was no destination – just to ride the never before ridden Patco train and the Ferry. And they had a grand time.

Last weekend we visited family. We went to a pool party at the home of one of Mark’s maternal cousins on Saturday and saw a bunch of family that sadly we only get to see like once a year unless there is a wedding or a funeral. It was a really lovely day – the highlight for Noah being the pool. We nearly had to move him in. Sunday we went to my Mom’s place. While we were there Noah played with my Aunt Jill – she has no kids of her own and so at most family gatherings she acts as the pied piper and entertains the flocks of young ‘uns – bless her soul. This time Noah had her all to himself and really enjoyed it. And before we left he played his first board game with my Mom and his second cousins Alec and Cody. He did really well so later in the week we set out for Toys R’ Us and bought him the preschool board game basics. He is loving Candyland and Hi Ho Cherrio – but Chutes and Ladders is decidedly too confusing because of the board design. The odd part is that though he mastered the rules instantly and played intently the first few times – now that he’s more accustomed to them he loses focus real fast. Much to Mark’s chagrin. In Candyland Noah is fascinated with the treat cards and will just stare at them and lament every time he gets a card with color squares on it.

On Saturday we HAD to go out because the weather was sunny and mild – and until then we’d forgotten what that felt like. We went to Penns Landing to check out the food, music and dancing at the Indian festival. Little girls dancing to Bollywood hits and Samosas to die for! (Now Noah is reenacting festivals at home.) Afterward we hit Franklin Fountain for some blueberry ice cream – made from freshly picked Jersey blueberries of course.

And how could I forget – Noah finally got his BED! My in-laws came to help us pick it up on Thursday. And though it took two days and several nervous breakdowns to assemble it – we are all quite pleased with his new bunk bed. I’ll post pictures soon.

OH! And potty training is still really great. Seriously. It has seemed all too easy. Maybe we really just lucked out by picking the perfect time to start. Of course tomorrow it could all go horribly, horribly wrong. But that seems unlikely after weeks of success. However as Noah says about drawing a card in Candyland “You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Look at these boys

The little one is chubbin' up good and the big one is using the potty and managing a massive transportation hub out of my kitchen.

For him to poop on

I had been putting off potty training for eons. I was just dreading it. I didn’t want to start it before Noah was ready, and I didn’t want it to be a year-long battle. I had heard from so many people that even completely potty trained children regress when a second child is born, so I had decided that I would wait until after Ray was born to really get started. We had made some cursory steps though. Noah has peed on the potty before and after his bath every night for some time And awhile ago I had purchased Noah some “big boy” underwear that I laundered and put in his drawer telling him that he could wear them when he was ready. In recent weeks he began asking about the underwear and showing real interest in wearing them. So this weekend we said “Okay. We will start wearing underwear on Monday.”

For the most part we’re just going cold turkey. We’ve stuck close to home and while in the house Noah’s been wearing just underwear – not even pants. On his first day Noah did perfectly. He had NO accidents and even pooped on the potty twice. Mark and I were floored – we would have taken bets against an outcome that good. He is obviously capable of being potty trained and ready. However the next two days we backslid a bit – with a couple of peeing accidents – but still strong on potty pooping. After the accidents, mostly because he didn’t seem at all upset about them, I decided to make a sticker reward chart which I had been hoping to avoid. For one I’m not good at maintaining that sort of thing, and on the other it smacks of bribery. But it helped get us back on track and again Noah had a perfect day yesterday. He seems to be doing remarkably well and the most promising thing is that he seems really proud of himself. Of course I know we still have a bumpy road ahead of us.

Now the big hurdles ahead of us are spending more time out of the house and getting Noah to ask to use the potty rather than have us constantly remind him. We used a pull-up at playgroup yesterday and were thrilled when he actually asked to use the potty – so that is a positive sign. And I think we’ll use pull-ups for the hour-long car trips to see family we have planned this weekend but then put him in underwear when we reach our destinations. Hopefully he won’t pee on anyone’s floor. Wish us continued success.

As for what else is going on – baby, nursing, visiting, playing. Still thrilled to have Mark home with us and dreading him going back after Labor Day.

Oh – and I have to mention how much I’ve been loving Flight of the Conchords. I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. You know that sort of embarrassing facial- contorting, mouth-gaping, eye-tering, slobber-dripping laughing?

Let the games begin.

Please let this not be a long, hard road.

Splish splash

Bathing and sleeping.

State of the union

There is incredibly too much to say and little time to say much of anything, hence my inability to blog. But I guess I need to just get some things out there and not stress too much about what all I should be documenting. So here goes.

After my friend Holly had her second child I asked for the lowdown. She told me that the whole time she had been pregnant she had been worried about how much work it takes to have a newborn – how it had seemed so hard the first time and she wasn’t sure how she was going to do it again while caring for her older son. But once her second son came she quickly realized that the newborn was a breeze. Sure there was sleeplessness to deal with but really the bulk of her work, her motherly struggle, still revolved around caring for her two year old. Keeping him busy, happy, fed, clothed, and in control. The baby was easy as pie.

Holly was dead on. Ray seems pretty damn easy. It does help (knock on wood) that in comparison to Noah, so far Ray seems to be an easier infant. He sleeps a large portion of the day – still waking to eat every two hours, but often dozing back off. Almost every time I take him out of the house he sleeps through most of it. I’m fairly certain that in his first two and a half weeks that he has gotten more sleep than Noah during his first six months. Also, so far (knock on wood) Ray doesn’t have the acid reflux that tormented Noah during his first six months of life – which means a lot less spitting up and screaming. Of course Ray still has two more weeks before he’s out of the woods as the doc says reflux can pop up anytime within the first month.

So what is Ray like? Well he nurses – A LOT. He’s a hungry mungry. And oddly enough though I was told before that the poop of completely breastfed babies does not stink, and Noah’s didn’t, Ray breaks the mold. He is a seriously stinky boy. But he’s also cuddly, smooshy, wide-eyed and observant when he’s awake, and fairly good natured.

Why do we give our children names and then call them other things? For some odd reason Mark and I have taken to calling Ray by the name of Pete. Sneaky Pete, Stinky Pete, and Sweety Pete to be precise. Noah keeps reminding us that Pete is not Ray’s name. To which we can only reply “Yes, Bug, we know.”

Noah adores Ray. Several times a day he will fawn over him, muttering in a very high pitched voice “He’s SO little. He’s SO cute. Hi Ray! Hi Ray! Ray? Ray? Ray?” He kisses him, pets him and asks to hold him. That isn’t to say there isn’t some tension – but he really takes it out on us. Occasionally telling me to give Mark the baby so I can hold him, climbing on me when I’m nursing Ray, stopping in the middle of meals to say “I’m too far from my Mama. I need to be close to her” while moving his chair right next to mine and pawing at me while I try to eat, and crying for more attention from me particularly when he gets tired. The biggest battle we’ve waged thus far was the nighttime battle. Prior to Ray’s birth, whenever Noah has woken up in the middle of the night I have gone to him and comforted him back to sleep. But now that I’m nightly wetnurse duty this isn’t possible. There were two majorly sleepless night showdowns of tears and yelling – from both Noah and Mark – but since then Noah has been sleeping all night in his bed without calling out for either of us in the middle of the night. It’s too early to consider it a complete success, but so far so good.

How have I been feeling? Almost too good. I was so worn down and achey by the end of my pregnancy and the impact of birth on my body seemed so much less dramatic than last time that I was pretty much up and around the day after I got home from the hospital. However in the last week I started getting crampy and my bleeding increased significantly, rather than dying down as it should. I called my OB office with my concerns and the nurse practitioner asked me a million questions about how I’d been feeling and what I’d been up to before she outright scolded me for not taking it easier. “The postnatal recuperation time should be six weeks of rest and it doesn’t sound like you have taken one of them.” Ahem. But it’s been hard to curtail my activity when I just feel like there is little reason for it.

As for managing two kids, it’s a snap. That is when you have the fulltime assistance of your husband. I’m sure it will get tricky when Mark goes back to work after Labor Day. But I won’t think about that today. One thing that keeps striking me is how much more low key everything feels with a second child. First time parents are bundles of nerves, learning everything, worrying about it all. Mark and I worried about every little grunt and cry – constantly wondering “is that normal?” and always checking Noah’s breathing. With Ray we just assume he’s fine. I don’t well up with tension every time he starts crying. I don’t fear that if he starts wailing to be fed and I don’t attend to him immediately that he’ll feel neglected. It’s all old hat and we just kind of roll with it. That is as much as two over-researching, over-analyzing, overly sensitive folk can roll with it.

One thing I HAVE to mention is how surrounded and overwhelmed by love I often feel. We are SO incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful circle of family and friends. People so thoughtful and so generous that it really boggles the mind. We’ve had neighbors bringing us food and gifts. Family sending cards and gift certificates, and calling to check in. Friends coming to the hospital and dropping by the house to see the newborn soft pink lump. We even have blog pals crafting! Between Ray’s birth and my birthday my house was so full of flowers it looked briefly like a funeral home. And of course the warm wishes and emails from you folks were overwhelming warm and touching. Thanks. Really, it means a lot.

I have an excellent example of how great our families are. My Dad decided to come to the hospital spur of the moment after I called and told him I was in labor. He stayed in the waiting room almost the whole night and came in to see the baby just after he was born at 1:15 am. It was 5 am by the time Ray and I were put in our room and everyone was beat. I told Mark and Dad to go back to our house and get some sleep and I’d see them in the morning. Meanwhile my Mom had been back at the house all night watching Noah. Playing trains, singing and dancing, painting and trying to follow my ridiculously over detailed schedule. Her fiancé Larry was also with her, he came bearing groceries – and they were spending the night. I knew it might be a little weird for all of them when I sent my Dad, whom had been divorced from my mother for 26 years, back to the house to sleep. But I knew that everyone wanted to be there with me, Mark, Noah and Ray and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Not only were they civil, they seemed to all get along swimmingly. Larry cooked them all breakfast and after visiting with me for awhile the next morning they all went out to lunch and fought over who would pay the bill. I can’t tell you how great it made me feel. When I was telling my Grammy about how funny it was to have them all hanging out together she said “I guess they must all love you a lot” and I seriously almost cried.

And on a much more light and random note – I’m addicted to Dunkin Donuts iced coffees. I’ve been getting one almost every day since a couple of weeks before Ray was born (half caf and decafs while pregnant). I seriously might need an intervention.

And that’s all the time and all the thoughts I got at the moment.

worth a thousand words

Which is good because i have no time to write yet.

They should be in pictures

There is much to say, but no time and concentration at the moment to say it. Between entertaining guests, Noah, and Mark - and visiting, napping, answering an occasional email, and trying to finish Harry Potter - oh, and nursing, nursing and nursing - the time just sort of shoots by. But here are some pictures of my beautiful boys. Some details later, I promise.

What can I say?

I like extreme close-ups.

The skinny on Mr. Ray

On Friday morning I felt like hell. I emailed Mark at work “just so you know - i am praying that the baby comes now. like right now. i just feel so awful today. so lethargic and sore. i can barely sit up. noah deserves so much more. i should take him to the park.” I called Janette in near tears. I was clearly done being pregnant. After trying to occupy Noah in the back yard for an hour, I just gave up and agreed that we could watch Mr. Rogers at noon because I just hadn’t the energy to do anything but watch TV. After an hour of laying on the couch Noah said “I want to go some place” which made me feel like complete crap. So I suggested we head to Target so I could look for an outfit to wear postpartum and then chase Noah around the store. As we headed to the second floor to change the boy out of his pajamas (YES – pajamas at 1 pm – I WAS BEAT) I wet myself a little. Now my water broke with Noah but I woke up in a big puddle, and this was a very slow, slight trickle so at first I wasn’t quite sure. So I waited about 20 minutes and when the water kept coming drop by drop I called Mark at 1:30 and said “Um… I think my water broke. You might want to come home.” Noah asked when we were going to Target and I explained I didn’t think we were going to make it to Target, that the baby was probably coming. And then I called the doctor’s office and my Mom so she could come to our house to watch Noah. And called and called my Mom – on her cell phone, her home phone, her work phone, her pager, her fiancé and her work friend. I couldn’t reach her and I was losing my mind. Especially because the longer it went on the more Noah asked me WHEN was Grandma going to get here. WHEN?? Contractions stared almost right away but they were weird from the get. One strong one, ten minutes, one weak one, two minutes, one strong one, twelve minutes. No rhyme or reason. I wasn’t in a hurry to get to the hospital – I started a load of laundry and finished packing my bag. When I tried to call my Mom’s work friend Kathy to see if maybe she knew where my Mom was, a temp answered and explained that Kathy was on vacation. She’d be back next week – I could call then, he explained. “That won’t work for me. I’m in labor,” I spat at him before I hung up. Finally Mom called at three, she had been giving a lecture at a work luncheon and was away from her phone. She was on her way. When she got to the house at four Noah said “It took you a LONG TIME to get here.”

We spent about an hour giving my instructions, getting our ducks in a row and setting out for the hospital. And still my contractions were here and there and everywhere. When I got to Pennsylvania Hospital they confirmed that my water had broke and that I was four centimeters dilated. They explained that as it was Friday the 13 – that they were CRAZY busy and apologized that it would be awhile until they moved us along in the process. It took quite a long time to get me checked and moved into a labor and delivery room. In the mean time a nurse came in said “I think your Dad is here.” To which I reacted “I don’t think so” and she said “Bald guy?” Yup. That’s my Dad. He decided he didn’t want to stay home and decided to come join in the fun. Of course he also didn’t want to see any of the messy business so he mostly hung out in the waiting room. Old school style.

As with Noah’s birth, I needed to be put on a Pitocin drip to make my contractions stronger and more regular. And as I well knew Pitocin makes contractions hella painful, hella fast – so they suggested I get an epidural before they put me on the drip. Since I did thirteen hours of pain med-free labor with Noah before finally opting for the drugs – I knew damn well that I wanted the epidural. Problem was the Anesthesiologist was quite busy and wouldn’t be available for a few hours – so we were told to just hang out. It was 10 pm when Dr. Feelgood finally showed. Except he didn’t make me feel so good. After he gave me that lovely, lovely needle my blood pressure plummeted, I nearly passed out and Baby Ray’s heartbeat took a dive, and then raced. It was kind of scary for a couple of minutes. But then glorious, glorious numbness and all was well. At midnight I was kind of puzzled why I was starting to feel quite a bit of pain again. My doc came in and suggested I push the button for more epidural meds and then explained I was at 7 cm and it would probably be at least another two hours. I insisted Mark go get my Dad and head to Coco’s for a beer and something to eat so that I could get some rest. Just after they left the nurse came in and when I explained to her that my glorious numbness was failing me she suggested I’d feel better after she catheterized me and emptied my bladder. When she did it sounded like we were in the room with Niagara freakin’ Falls. And um, NO, the pain didn’t get better it got WORSE. And “OH!” said the nurse. It looks as if my bladder was so full that it was blocking my cervix from dilating. And NOW – the baby is ready to push his way out. But small problem, though I am in incredible pain that will not let up until I push that baby out, we have no doctor and my husband is missing. While the nurse steps into the hallway and frantically shouts for the doctor I call Mark on his cellphone just as he is served a beer and say “Come back NOW!” The Doc comes in and the nurse suggests we wait to push until my husband comes in to which I say “FORGET THAT! WE are GOING.” And just as I bear down for the first push Mark comes in the door. Literally five minutes of pushing and BINGO – BABY. At 1:15 am on Bastille Day 07/14/07 - Hello Ray Konrad Eggerts – 37 weeks gestational, 8 pounds 9 ounces, 20.5 inches. Thank GOD he was early. And of course he’s beautiful. Love at first sight as they say.

And now the quick details. He was a fast latch – no crying about breastfeeding this time. This time it seems we’re both old pros. Though DAMN my nipples hurt. He looks less like Mark than Noah, and more like a Maersch – my paternal side of the family. His hair is decidedly reddish, as is his ruddy complexion and for now his eyes are a steely blue. Noah adores him. He’ll give him ten minute intervals of full-on overwhelming affection. Cooing about how cute he is, repeatedly asking “What he trying to say to me?” and kissing his head – and then he goes back to fixating on trains or the vintage Fisher Price Little People Airport that Ray brought him for being such a great big brother. Noah did absolutely great while having a flurry of attention from his Grandparents, but has had some meltdown moments here and there since. This is of course to be expected when you factor in some lack of sleep and a head cold with the fact that he is no longer alone at the center of the universe. But for the most part he is handling the situation rather well. It of course helps to no end that Mr. Mark will be home from work with us for the next six weeks. He might not get the big bucks but he has great time off. I’m still looking six months pregnant and pissy that I’m still all puffed up from extra liquid. My hands, feet and even legs are bloated and throbbing. But other than that I can’t complain too much. Whereas last time I spent at least a week on the couch – this time I was up and around in no time. Sure I’ve got some pain – but it’s manageable and I’m not letting it hold me back. I took Ray on the subway and downtown to his pediatrician appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday – and will again tomorrow. He’s got some jaundice so they just keep testing his blood levels and waiting for the counts to go down. He’s SO sleepy – like seriously awake for six hours a day – with periodic waking to eat about every two hours and then back to dreamland. If only it was always this easy.

So that’s what I’ve got for now. Too much? Not enough. From my standpoint it's just the tip of the iceberg. But you be the judge. More pictures coming soon.

Bastille Ray

Just a brief note before I drop from exhaustion: Ray Konrad Eggerts was born this morning (July 14) at 1:15 a.m., weighing 8 lb 9 oz. Family and friends have been everywhere and done everything, and more are expected tomorrow. Noah and I are home with my in-laws, and Nicole and Ray are resting comfortably at the hospital. More to follow, for the rest of our lives. - Mark

Deja Vu

Today had a familiar ring to it. I went in for my 37 week check-up this morning. It turns out my blood pressure was elevated and there was protein in my urine. So they sent me to the hospital for further monitoring. That is EXACTLY what happened with Noah’s pregnancy – in the EXACT same week. Of course last time I was all in a tizzy freak out like “THEY MAY INDUCE ME TODAY!” and this time I was like “Yeah… how long is this going to take.” Plus I had Noah with me at the doctor’s office and hospital – he was of course an angel, eating snacks, reading his book, watching Barney – but you really aren’t supposed to have kids with you in labor and delivery and right after Mark arrived a snippy midwife asked if anyone was taking my son home so off they went. Of course they released me a mere 40 minutes later with orders to get more rest, etc. So I’m happy to report there is nothing further to be concerned about since there are no further signs of preeclampsia – just more orders to take it easy.

Of course the most noteworthy thing in all of this is that less than a week after this happened last time – my water broke and Noah was born. The clock is ticking.

Details, details, too many details

While I’m in the hospital birthing Baby Eggerts part deux, my Mom is coming to our place to care for Noah. In an effort to assist her I thought I’d jot down some notes on what we do on a typical day. I by no means intend for her to follow this to the letter – but merely give her an idea of our routine so that she can take or depart from it as she wishes. Plus once I got started it just became an interesting and odd effort in documentation. Of course in writing all this down I was struck by a couple of things. First – holy anal! It’s funny – I don’t consider myself a letter of the law person but I’ve always been pretty organized and disciplined about work. And since THIS is my work I’ve gotten fairly regimented. And two – goodbye routine! Once Baby Ray enters this world the whole routine flies right out the window and the next couple of months will be me floundering to put some order back in our days. It’s like starting a new job.

So welcome to our minutiae.

Morning
- Noah typically wakes up at around 7:30 am but could sleep as late as 9 am – if you are really lucky.
- He’s usually cuddly and wants to play a little bit in his room before going downstairs for breakfast.
- Breakfast is normally around 8:30. He typically eats an Eggo waffle, with a puddle of whip cream for dipping and some fruit. He also drinks a little orange juice in one of his big boy plastic cups.
- He might play for awhile in the kitchen after breakfast depending on the time. I typically try to take him up to the third floor in time to watch Big, Big World on PBS channel 12 at 9:30 am on weekdays. We take a breakfast snack upstairs – a sippy cup of watered down apple juice and a small plastic bowl of dried cherries and cheerios.
- On the way upstairs I will also grab his clothes – but I don’t normally change him until after I’m showered and hopefully he’s pooped.
- He watches TV while I shower, dress and check email – Big Big World is followed by Sesame Street or he might ask to watch something on On Demand. Typically Zoboomafoo which is under Kids, PBS Sprout, and then on the second page. Sometimes it’s Berenstein Bears which is in the same section.
- I try not to let him watch more than an hour of TV in the morning –and he doesn’t normally give me any problems when I tell him to turn the TV off when his second show is done. We then go downstairs and either head out for a planned activity or find something to play.
- Our biggest windows of free times are 10:30 to 1 and 1:30 to 3. Noah will tell you what he wants to do and it’s most often playing trains, “baby and big sister,” blocks, art (supplies in one of kitchen wicker bins), or going out on the town to visit friends, or see the park, the Y, a museum, etc.

Afternoon
- Lunch is normally around 1 pm. He normally has lunchmeat, cheese, bread veggies, and fruit cut up. I don’t usually give him his juice cup until he’s done his meal otherwise he fills up on juice. And sometimes he’ll have dessert if he asks for it or you need it to bribe him to finish his meal. Jello, 8 jelly beans, or a couple of cookies or kisses.
- Quiet time is typically between 3 pm and 4pm. I ask him what he wants to play with during QT and put it in his room. Then I close the gate and set the cooking timer for 45 minutes. I close the door and lay on the bed in “Ray’s room” and nap. You could probably read a book if you prefer. He’ll come in to get you when the timer goes off.
- After QT and a little bit of play comes Mr. Rogers on DVR and a popsicle. He’ll often ask for more snack after the popsicle and I’ll give him some crackers and juice. And he’ll typically watch a second show after Mr. Rogers – either another episode or Bears – at which time I’m normally starting dinner.

Evening
- Dinner is normally around 6 pm. I feed him what we are eating – some meat, some veggies, some fruit – and normally a cheese stick too. And a watered down sippy cup of juice after he starts eating. Dessert is normally reward for eating most of his food. I do negotiate with him if he’s obviously not going to eat everything – you know “Eat two more pieces of meat, three green beans and the rest of your strawberries and then you can have dessert.” And the dessert list is pretty much the same as lunch.
- After he eats dinner I usually set the timer on the microwave telling him exactly how much time there is to play before bath time which is typically between 7 and 7:30 pm. When we go upstairs for bath we take up a plastic straw cup of water which we leave in his bedroom when we go in so he can pick out his own pajamas – and take the timer upstairs.
- Start the bath water and ask him if he wants bubbles or color. Bubbles is one cap full and he has to put it in the water himself. Color – ask him which one he wants and then he gets to put in three pellets.
- Undress him and he pees on the potty before he gets in. Set the timer for 20 minutes bath time – give him his toys. I’m sure you will have to remind him at least once to not splash water out of the tub. Sit on the floor next to the tub – use the Johnson Baby Wash to soap up his hair and the cup to rinse him off – after reminding him to try to put his head back. Then tell him to stand up and ask him what letter he wants you to write on his belly with foamy soap. Then help him distribute the soap everywhere and wash himself before rinsing off.
- When the timer goes off he should put all the toys back in the green bin, give you the wash cloth and pull the plug.
- Then he gets ten minutes on the timer for naked time. When the timer rings, ask him if he wants to pee on the potty and then dress him and give him an additional ten minutes on the timer to play before going downstairs.
- Brush teeth. Put his paste on his brush – he brushes first and then gives you a turn. Then he likes to weigh himself before going into his room.

Bedtime
- Turn on his lullaby CD. Press power, play, then p.mode twice for repeat and then timer until you see the number 90 for the sleep timer.
- Noah picks out three books – two for you and one for him. The one he reads means that you just let him finish the sentences – though he can do this with most books. He’ll drink his water while you read.
- After books, turn on the monitor, give him a stuffed animal, turn off the light and lay down with him.
- We talk a little bit about the day (“I had a lot of fun with you today. What did we do?”) and then I tell him it’s time to get ready to sleep. If he’s restless he might roll around a bit but I just kind of lay there like I’m already sleeping and will occasionally quietly go “shhh” if it goes on too long. After he nods off I cover him up and leave the room. The monitor receiver should be on the windowsill.
- Later when you go to bed in “Ray’s Room” close the gate so that if he walks in his sleep in the middle of the night he won’t fall down the steps.
- The odds are fifty/fifty that he’ll sleep all night in his bed. Or he’ll come in and get you around 4:30 and you can either lay with him until he falls back asleep or just sleep with him.

Visiting

Noah hams it up with Baby Ivan and chills with the beautifully glowing Ms. Juliloquy and the fantastic Schmoo.

The Waiting Game

I keep fixating on how unpredictable birth is. Sometime within the next day to five weeks I’m going to have a baby. I’m just waiting for it – and I have no idea or real control as to when its going to happen. And after the baby is born our lives will change drastically, instantaneously. And for the rest of my life I will recall and relive the process of having that baby – how, when, for how long and all the little details from the gore to the glorious. More often and in more detail than any other moment I’ve ever experienced – aside from Noah’s birth. It really is mind boggling to be standing on the doorstep of such a moment – and yet not in control of it. I guess I chalk this feeling of powerlessness to be just one in a million ways that this child will remind me how little control I truly have – and how wonderful and daunting that truly is. One of the biggest lessons I’ve taken away from getting to know Noah is that he truly was born with his own personality and his own agenda. We can shape it a bit, allowing him to be more or less himself, but for the most part he’s already there – just letting us hang out with him. And Ray will be the same. I’m so excited to meet him. Ya know, whenever he gets around to it.

Noah’s pretty excited too. Last week we went to see our friend Wendy’s new baby, Ivan. Noah was absolutely adorable with him. He asked to hold him, to touch his hands, to kiss his head. And both times we left he got upset about leaving and said “But I want to spend more time with him.” He’s such a caring and gentle little soul and though I’m certain the adjustment of sharing Mama will be a hard one – I can already see how much love he’s storing up for his baby brother and it makes me so proud.

It’s in the mid-nineties and will remain so for the next three days. I’m literally about to pop – and I’ve just acquired the head cold that Noah has been battling since Friday. Physically I’m feeling like ass. Emotionally I’m overwhelmed. And mentally I’m a raging to-do list with no energy to get a damn thing done. But ya know what – things are good.

Watch the train car please!

We’re back from the beach and there is far too much to mention. It was fun, relaxing and filled with memories I don’t have time to type yet. I’ll start at the tip of the iceberg. Those of you who are regular readers (bless your bored souls) know that Noah has had a love/hate relationship with amusement rides. While he has wanted to climb on the rides at the mall he has not permitted us to put quarters on them and while he is always interested in the carousel, he has wanted to ride in the seat rather than the horse. A couple of weeks ago when we were at Hershey Park he was LOVING the rides and at the end of the day he asked to go on a helicopter ride that was not for adults. I explained to him that Daddy couldn’t accompany him, that he’d have to go on alone and yet he seemed undaunted. I however was horrified. Much to Mark’s chagrin I told Noah he was too small for the ride. I just kept picturing putting him on the ride and once the cars started spinning and going up and down – he’d completely freak out and cry hysterically. And then when the ride attendant didn’t stop it immediately I’d have to brutally beat him to death. So obviously it wasn’t a good idea. This week at the Ocean City Boardwalk Noah was ALL about the rides. Every day we had to remind him that rides were for after dinner only. On Tuesday I had been feeling awful – exhaustion, queasiness, painful contractions on and off all day. So that night I sent Mark, Noah, my Mom, her fiancé, my Father-in-law, and his wife off to the Boardwalk without me. I didn’t want to stay home, I just didn’t feel up to it. When they got home at 11 pm with Noah sound asleep in his stroller I discovered from Mark that they had put Noah on his first SOLO rides. And then I lost my over-emotional exhausted pregnant mind. At first I was LIVID. How DARE they put him on those rides without me? And then I was angry with myself – SEE this is why I can NEVER not go – I MISS SOMETHING. I yelled at everyone and then stomped off to bed crying hysterically. Thinking about how I was ALREADY missing important things in Noah’s life because I was having two – how could I ever possibly do them both justice. I cried myself to sleep. And in the morning I realized I had been acting insane and then I sheepishly tried apologize to everyone. More of the joys of pregnancy. Oh, and the boy – is a ride daredevil. He went on tons of rides by himself and things with Mark that made Mark feel sick. All the while giggling gleefully – almost as much as he did when giant cold ocean waves smacked him in the face while he cackled “I want more BIG ONES!” Just when you think you get the kid figured out he throws you a curve ball.

Action Jackson

One damn fine Father

Still treading water here

Next week is a big one. We leave tomorrow for a week in Ocean City, NJ with my Mom. We’re all looking forward to it – though I’m a bit daunted by the idea of waddling around in hot sand. Normally my favorite thing to do is just walk around – but this time, not so much. Hopefully this year we’ll get some actual beach weather – the forecast is looking good. Last year we didn’t get a lick of sunshine.

The past week was busy as usual. Mark worked overtime to ready the University for Commencement. Friday I had Susan babysit Noah for a few hours so I could mop my kitchen floor – fun, fun. Saturday morning I took Noah to his last swim lesson because Mark had to work. It was really cool to watch him interact with his instructor. Saturday night we had some friends over. It was a long overdue visit and sort of bittersweet for me because I just kept thinking about how it’d be quite a while until we can host again. On Father’s Day we went to a neighbor’s third birthday party at the Academy of Natural Sciences. Though I think the party would have been more ideal for five year olds, it was really well done. It not only included admission to the museum but also a guided tour. Afterwards we headed to The Bards for Mark’s Father’s Day brunch – and the Mr. indulged in not ONE but TWO Guinness. This week flew by with the normal busyness. One the exciting side I went out for fish tacos, killer salsa verde and fine conversation with girlfriends at Cantina Los Caballitos on Tuesday. The only disappointment is that they wouldn’t make me a virgin margarita so I couldn’t even pretend to get loaded on deliciously salty, limey tequila. BAH! And now we’re packing, packing and packing. The packing list I made has over 100 things listed on it – and yet it still contains large categories like TOYS. Insane.

Noah has been regressing a bit as of late – obviously in anticipation of the baby. He keeps curling up in my lap, gurgling and telling me he’s a tiny baby. He’s been waking up more in the middle of the night and wanting me to come sleep with him in his bed. And he’s often saying “I want to cuddle you.” Sometimes he says it in the middle of dinner and he wants to finish eating in my lap. It’s some hardcore clinginess going on. I’m trying to indulge him a bit but not too much. It’s hard to reach a balance. He’s also doing a lot of role playing with stuffed animals and dolls – telling us that one animal is the big brother to a smaller baby animal. And acting out playing, holding, feeding and caring for the baby. It’s really sweet. He also likes to say to me “I love your big belly” and hug it and kiss it, to feel for Baby Ray to move, and to poke at my overly sensitive protruding belly button.

Seems babies are popping up all over. My friend Wendy is being induced on Sunday. A thirteen year old neighborhood girl that would come over to our house to color when she was 6 just had a baby. And I just found out that my little sister’s Mom is expecting her fifth child in the winter. Once we get back from the beach we’ll finally REALLY start getting ready for Mr. Ray Konrad Eggerts to make an appearance. I may be way off base but despite my due date of August 1, I am expecting to give birth mid-July. Some things NEED to get done by then – moving our bed and the co-sleeper, cleaning the double stroller and the breast pump, getting the baby’s armoire and clothes in order, and packing a bag. I’m sure there is MUCH more I could do – but I have to be realistic and know just to let some things go. Ya know – for the next six months or so.

Well I best get back to packing slavery. Tonight I have to figure out a way to clean up my bikini area while not being able to see a trace of it. And I’ll leave you with that.

Another info upchuck

The biggest news is that last week I signed Noah up for preschool. Starting mid-September he will go to school for two hours every Monday and Thursday. I’ve been wrestling with the school question for months now. I wanted him to start going only a couple of hours a week but all the city preschools I had knowledge of had 18 hour minimums. And I didn’t want, need or want to pay for that much time. Finally I had heard from someone at playgroup about a preschool with limited hours they ran at the Bridesburg Recreation Center – and then when the woman across the street from us told me her granddaughter had been going there and loving it for three years it sealed the deal. Bridesburg is a very old school blue collar neighborhood just to the northeast of us. The preschool has been run for years out of the rec center which is across the street from a string band headquarters and a VFW post. They have two huge green fields, a pool, a large and lovely fenced in playground, and a full gymnasium. And in addition to the preschool they offer swim camp, dance lessons, tumbling lessons, and sports camp. Noah’s class will have 5 instructors for a maximum of 28 children. And while the instruction might be a lot more traditional than the very artsy preschool center in my neighborhood – I’m actually quite pleased with him playing, drawing and singing for two hours under the tutelage of a few older neighborhood ladies. And best yet the program costs about $50 a month. I just hope it works out as well as I anticipate it to. Of course with only two hour days I’ll most likely be dropping him off and going grocery shopping and then heading back to pick him up – but it’s a good start. For us both.

My only real disappointment is one that I will always wrestle with when it comes to Noah’s education. I know everyone thinks that their kid is advanced, but I SWEAR – Noah is smarter than the average bear. He’s SO verbal and the things that he comes up with sometimes amaze me. But the problem is that Noah was born in the beginning of November, far past the September 1 cutoff and therefore he won’t start kindergarten until Fall of 2010. In his preschool he will be one of the oldest in the class. Intellectually I think that the toddler class won’t be very challenging for him, but socially I guess he could use an extra year. But it doesn’t really matter since I don’t have much choice in the matter.

On the baby front – I’m huge. I’m starting to get people asking me if I’m having twins, and balking when I tell them that I have SEVEN more weeks before my due date. Granted, I’m an Amazon of a woman to begin with and I’m not by nature a small pregnant woman. But still, people could be a little more couth. I’m finally starting to get my butt in gear and think about what needs to get done before Baby Ray arrives. Last week I bought a used Graco Duo Glider off Craig’s List for $50. Now granted, that is one fifth of the normal price so I wasn’t expecting it to be immaculate and untouched – but what killed me is that the woman gave it to me with the wheels absolutely CAKED with mud. I’m pretty sure I would have cleaned it up a bit if I was giving it away for free so it kind of kills me that she had no qualms of selling it in that condition. It’s nothing a little water and elbow grease won’t cure – but of course I still haven’t gotten around to it.

We had a really good time at Hershey Park this past Saturday. My Dad’s company has their company picnic there every year and since my Dad gets sick on the carousel he’s happy to hand over his tickets to us. I was a bit wary of the trip what with how tiring an amusement park day can be – but exhausted though I was after being in the park from 3:30 til 10 pm it was totally worth it. Noah enjoyed every variation of a train ride the park had to offer as well as the carousel, ferris wheel, track cars and big rigs. But his favorite thing was the Chocolate Tour ride outside the park that shows you how they make Hershey’s chocolate. He rode it twice and has talked about it nonstop since. Last year he was afraid of the animatronic singing cows but this year they were a huge hit. He keeps pretending to be a singing cow.

Yesterday my Mom and her fiancé came to spend the day with Noah and I while Mark went to New Jersey to visit his ailing 97 yo Grandmother who is laid up with a broken ankle. Noah and I had a lovely lunch with Mom at the Tap and then some playground action at Liberty Lands. Mark got lectured by his Grandmother about his need to get his Master’s degree. Have you been recently told by an ancient woman with two doctorate degrees that your children won’t respect you unless you have an advanced degree? Me neither. I guess every family is kind of crazy in their own way.

For the last couple of weeks we have been really enjoying the food we have been getting from our CSA. I’m both daunted and excited by the challenge of trying to figure out how to cook what we receive. But so far so good. I think my kale was pretty kick-ass and the fresh whole wheat pasta last week tasted pretty damn good with the spinach, tomato, garlic and fresh mozzarella we received. My biggest cooking challenge however is always seasoning. I wish I had a better knack when it came to using herbs and spices. I just don’t know what to use or how much.

My new favorite Noah thing is the fascination with the road. When we’re in the car now he constantly asks what road we are on and has started identifying them. He’s even asking if we are going to make rights or lefts and for a complete flight plan of our trip. It reminds me of my little sister Jessica who was able to identify landmarks and tell you how to drive to her house by the age of four.

Today was a challenging day. I’ve come to realize that Mondays often are. It’s a combination of a slow typically uneventful day on the heels of a very busy weekend and the fact that Noah (and me too) has just gotten use to having Mark at home for two days when suddenly he’s gone again.

So this is another too long jumbled mess – but since this seems to be a once a week thing lately I can’t help it. I have too much I want to say but not enough focus to say it well. Forgive my scattered head and lack of planning. For today’s post and all the one’s to follow. Adieu.

A red thumb

Though we did indeed bag the Music Festival, we still had a grand time at the Strawberry Festival. I wouldn't recommend that legions of pregnant women pick strawberries in 90 degree heat, but it was fun nonetheless. I'm new to the whole pick your own fruit thing - but since Noah enjoyed picking apples in the Fall I think it's an adventure we'll keep up. Plus I think it's a fun way to get him to think about how food grows and where our food comes from. And he was just so proud to pick them himself. We picked over two pounds of strawberries and ate almost all of them when we got home. Yum.

Hot child in the city

No personal time. Seriously. From 7:30 am to 9 pm I’m on duty. And then I’d rather chill with Mark on the couch rather than sit at the computer. In less than two months I’ll have even less personal time – you know the time I currently use up sleeping. Don’t get me wrong I’m very excited to have this baby. But I’m not fooling myself – the first three to six months are tough with one. I’m scared about managing two. Especially when I talk to my friends who have two kids. And I’ve said more than enough about the demise of napping at our house, so I won’t go there again.

Right now Mark and Noah are at swim lessons and it’s the one hour a week I can count on getting something done. I really should be cleaning the kitchen, but I woke up real achey and can barely get up and down the steps. That sort of puts a damper on my big plans for us to go the Linvilla Strawberry Festival and then check out the Northern Liberties Music Festival before coming back home to babysit for a neighbor for a few hours. I think I’ll have to miss the Music Festival this year – maybe Mark and Noah can go check it out.

It seems we have been on the go constantly. I plan things to do every day so we have things to look forward to, to keep us busy. But as a result I feel like I’ve been running nonstop. On the plus side we are having a really good time. Swimming, picnics, playgroups, birthday parties. Who could complain?

Oh – the heat! The past week was a scorcher. And we refused to turn our AC on until June. I was one giant sweaty pregnant woman. The night before last I was so hot I barely got any sleep. I kept changing rooms trying to find a place where I felt more comfortable. It was a major relief when I woke up in the morning and Mark had turned on the air before he went to work. Now I may never leave the house.

Oh- and we bought a car! It took a lot of internet research and three dealerships, but we got it done. I’m not a car person. I like cars with CD players that take me from point A to point B without breaking down. But I was rather serious about finding the perfect car for us at the best price. I got downright single-minded – and I was surely not any salesman’s favorite customer. I nearly laughed in the face of the guy who suggested “Have you thought about buying a new car?” “I don’t BELIEVE in new cars,” I countered. Though Mark does assure me they exist. But our search was a success. We got a beautiful silver 2004 Subaru Forester – certified, low mileage and still under warranty. It’s so exciting to drive it. It’s not hugely roomy compared to our little old wagon – but it’s just big enough. That’s what I wanted – a bit bigger but not ginormous. I still have to parallel park this thing. And Noah loves it – though at first he preferred we buy one of the new cars on display in the showroom because they weren’t hot. I had to explain all cars get hot when they sit outside in the sun. He finally seemed satisfied with our decision. On the way to Reading for Jules second birthday party on Thursday, Noah drifted off for about twenty minutes. As soon as I got off the highway and stopped at a light he popped his eyes open for a second and said sleepily to Wendy (and Victor who were accompanying us) “You like our new car, Wendy?” and then drifted back off.

And now it’s June – and it’s another busy month. Our big plans include going to Hershey Park, having a very small get together at our house, and heading to Ocean City, NJ with my Mom for a week. And then there’s all the little plans in between – more lunching, picnicking, playgroups, and fun. It’s going to be lovely. Tiring and sweaty for a giant pregnant woman – but lovely. Too bad speed isn’t good for the baby. Oh yeah – the baby. We MAY have to do a few things to ready for his arrival. We’ll see if we can pencil them in.

And I’m sure I owe you an email, and a million comments – every single one of you. I promise you’ll hear from me soon. If only just a HEY. I’m thinking of you, really I am.