We had our fertility doc appointment today. And it was off to a great start when I got there and they didn’t have my referral paperwork and were not going to see me until they had it in hand. Several weeks ago my OB told me to make an appointment at this practice and told me he’d give me a referral if my health insurance would cover it yet when I called the referral line at his office they told me they only handled the referrals of pregnant women. I called my insurance company and was told that my OB could give me the referral so I left a very long and informative message on the referral line explaining it all and telling them where to send the referral and to call me if there were any issues. I meant to follow-up the day before my appointment but forgot. So of course no referral. I then spent the next half hour on my cell with both my OB and my primary care physician until they EACH sent over a referral and I could be seen. Insanity.
So the bottom line is that we aren’t really infertile but sub-fertile. Neither of us are the most fertile people on the planet and the result of that is conceiving a child is a little more like winning the lottery to us – with Noah a major jackpot. We can keep slogging along waiting to strike gold again the natural way or we can start aiding Mother Nature. I think we’ll probably try it the old fashion way for a bit longer and then ready to bring out the big guns in the New Year if need be. Maybe. I don't know.
I’m a little cautious about how to progress. The week Noah was conceived we went to Atlantic City for the day. I have always had a reasonable amount of luck in gambling endeavors – nothing extreme but just a little bump to the luckier side. In my head before the trip I remember bargaining with the Gods that I didn’t want to waste any luck on the slots or the tables – that I only wanted to cash in on my luck by getting pregnant. And I’m pretty sure I threw in a “just this once.” I’m not a religious person and I’m not VERY spiritual but I do feel we share this world with otherworldly powers that occasionally throw some assistance or a wrench our way. And I really do feel that my bargain paid off – and that maybe I’m going back on that if I forget about the possible “just this once.” Maybe it sounds silly to you, but the thought keeps lingering with me.
But the bottom line is that I desperately want to have another child. At least one, actually. More for Noah than for myself. I SO desperately want him to have siblings with whom to share his life – now and all of his years. I was a pretty lonely kid growing up an only child and I really value my half-siblings though they came later and never lived with me. The question I guess is - is it wrong to go to more advanced measures to conceive – or should we just be happy with the lovely, incredible and blessed boy we have already received and keep our damn mouths shut?