Tuesday, June 13, 2006

First the issues, then the weekend

You can skip ahead if you want nothing to do with the issues and skip the end if you don’t give a damn about the weekend.

The issue part of the post

I don’t know how I refrained from mentioning this since I think about it every day, but I’ve been trying to get pregnant again for the last ten months. And I just got my period again. It sucks. Obviously Mark and I aren’t the most fertile couple on the face of the planet since it took seven months for us to conceive Noah. And it was a hard seven months. Every month was an emotional rollercoaster of hopes and disappointments. I was reading up on adoption (and how we couldn’t afford it) and bargaining with the gods when we were finally blessed with Noah. And if it turns out that he’s our one and only then he will have been even more of a miracle for whom I will forever be grateful. But even though the issue isn’t quite as emotional and desperate feeling this time, it still sucks that we’re having problems again. It’s disappointing to me to be planning out our life and then realizing how little control I have over parts of it. And it’s sad to be thinking every new cycle about possibly being pregnant and then finding out I’m not.

One of the big questions is whether Noah’s continued nursing has anything to do with it. For the most part breastfeeding women are inundated with information about the fact that breastfeeding is not a form of birth control. That you CAN get pregnant while nursing – especially after your child is nursing less frequently. And I have had a regular period and been regularly ovulating (ovulation predictor kits) since Noah began eating solid foods at six months old. So I had assumed that it would definitely not impede my getting pregnant. However some sources suggest that breastfeeding hormones in some women can still prevent implantation of a fertilized egg, but I have no idea what percentage of women this affects. I’m thinking it’s low since the bulk of information does not support that as an issue. And I do have two acquaintances that got pregnant while nursing – and one of the women was still nursing a four month old. But who knows.

I called my OBGYN to make an appointment for a checkup and to discuss the fertility issue. I’ve waited this long because last time they told me that a healthy, fertile couple could take up to a year to conceive and they wouldn’t look into it further until that time. I couldn’t get an appointment until August, which is good in that at that time it will have been a year. And I hope, hope, hope that the nature of that appointment changes between now and then, but I’m highly doubtful.

So yes, Noah is still nursing. Approximately three times a day – first thing in the morning, naptime and bedtime. It’s still impossible for him to fall asleep without it and he’s still very vehement about requesting it when he’s tired. And just recently he’s seemed to increase the amount of time during which he nurses. Last night I nursed him for quite awhile and then decided to put him in his crib without him being fully asleep. Two hours of hell ensued. Screaming, hysterics, crying like I’ve never witnessed before. My heart and soul being razored into shreds. And I actually caved an hour in - I was offering him “Bappa” (Boppy – we always use his nursing pillow so that is what he asks for) but he’d say “No.” He was crying “Bappa. Bappa. Bappa.” But he was SO mad at me that he wouldn’t let me pick him up out of the crib. It was ugly. It was awful. And finally he settled down enough for me to nurse him again. Mark was exhausted just listening to it. And Noah is an emotional mess today as a result. But I need to separate the sleeping from the nursing. It’s dire. And once I do that then I can wean, but not until then. But it seems impossible.

The weekend part of the post

What an incredibly lovely weekend we had! Friday night we were able to dress up, go out on the town without the baby, celebrate in the nuptials of Tom & Audrey, hang out with our dear friend Tracey, and drink wine and eat in anti-South Beach abandon. It was a lot of fun. And GOD what an attractive couple. Seriously. Tom is one of my favorite people on the planet and when he told he was finally seeing someone I was prepared to deal with her not measuring up. But Audrey is sweet, beautiful and smart – and they make a dashing pair.

Saturday we headed for the hills of Hershey, Pennsylvania. And though I was a tad concerned about the drive, the length of the day, and Noah’s interest in the rides – it was PERFECT. Seriously. Things couldn’t have worked out better. We left at 10:30, a little later than we had initially intended, but it worked out perfectly because Noah slept the entire one hour section of the turnpike. The weather was sunny, breezy and comfortably cool. And the rides – Noah LOVED them. He went on the kiddie train, the big train (2X), the monorail, the ladybug rollercoaster, convoy, traffic jam, the pedal powered track cars and more. But most importantly we went on the carousel. FIVE TIMES. He loved those “neigh neighs” And on the fourth and fifth time he rode on horses that moved and was blow away by them going “up” and “down.” He keeps talking about it days later. He was also quite awestruck by the roller coasters which he referred to as the “Uh-Oh Choo Choos.” And he was really well behaved – patient in lines and good natured. We were all exhausted by nine delightful hours in the park when we left at 9:30. I don’t know how Mark managed to stay awake to drive us home safely. The only small glitch in the day was that I was feeling a bit nauseated during most of the day. Partially because of a slight wine hangover and partly because of a glut of carbs and sugar in one night after a week of detox – and not as I had been hoping because I was pregnant. But luckily I wasn’t sick enough to impede my enjoyment of the little man enjoying his big adventure in chocolate world.

Sunday was a day of relaxation. Well, not completely. We went grocery shopping, got new cell phones (Noah sucked my old phone into submission so I lost my phone contact info so I have nobody’s numbers), went to the park and prepared some South Beach lunches for the week.

And yesterday we had a play date with Susan and Frannie in the morning and in the evening Noah’s Nana and Pop Pop came, brought him a fun dump truck, chatted with us, and respectfully ate a South Beach friendly dinner without complaint. Oh and then the screaming Bappa incident happened and I got my period before I went to bed. But you heard about that.


Missuz J said...

It's SO hard to listen to your sweet baby crying. I never could. Finally, I just had to leave and let E do it, because, well, because he COULD and I couldn't.

Love the "Uh Oh" Choo Choo's.

Thinking fertile thoughts for you.

Allison said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles....2 of my best friends were able to get pregnant while nursing their toddlers. I do know that it required them (the babies/toddlers) to be night weaned (no nursing in the middle of the night). It sounds like if Noah is only nursing 3 times a day, that you don't have to worry about the night nursing.

For some reason I COULD listen to my first child cry and it didn't really bother me. Maybe it was because she wasn't crying hysterically like my son does. He actually cries so hard that he makes himself throw up...

Another thing - have you ever had your thyroid tested? I have a few friends that had trouble getting pregnant until they discovered they had thyroid disorders and had to get on synthroid. As soon as the thyroid got in check, they got pregnant right away...just a thought.

Just know you are not alone and I tend to think that if it happened once, it WILL happen again!

lonna said...

I was always so scared of infertility. I know so many women who have been affected by it. I know that in some ways it's easier because you have Noah, but I bet that in some ways it's harder. I would be wondering why it worked before. I had a cousin who miscarried 8 times before having her second child and it turned out she didn't make enough progesterone. All she needed was a suppository a day and no problem. I couldn't believe that it took a doctor so long to figure that out. I also know another women who did have to wean her son to conceive her daughter, but then had no problem conceiving her third while still nursing her daughter.

I have poly-cystic ovaries which is the most common cause of infertility. You don't seem to have the symptoms, but it couldn't hurt to have the blood work done when the time comes. I was on metformin (glucophage) while trying to conceive and the first trimester and I will never know if that helped or if I didn't need it at all. But there are simple fixes out there before the huge, expensive ones. I also have thyroid problems, but mine were diagnosed way before trying to conceive. I really wish you good luck with all of this.

Katiemagic said...

It sucks so much to get your period when you want to be pregnant so badly. I'm sending fertile thoughts your way.

I've always wanted to adopt and was totally shocked at the cost when I began to look into it. No wonder there are so many kids who still need families.