Ties that bind

I went to Quizzo last night. It was great being out with friends in an adult setting - well, as adult as these folks can be. Is it surprising the table containing the Quizzmaster's bedmate won? I think not. Alas when I returned home at 11:45 pm I was greeted by Mister Mark and Master Noah - who had already been up for a half hour. It was a rough night for all. And morning too. But I'll bore you with those details later. Maybe. Right now I only have a second to pop something on this page and not feel negligent in my duties one more day.

I wrote the following little article for our local neighborhood newsrag. Though it's typically delivered to our front door step, last week I never got a copy. Noah and I stopped by their office yesterday to pick it up and were flaberghasted to find our photo on the front cover as a teaser for the special section on "Family." We're STARS.

The Importance of Family
By Nicole Eggerts

Like so many others my age, I grew up in a disjointed family. My parents split when I was five, and with the divorce began a legacy of half-siblings, ex-step-parents and general confusion about how I was related to some of these folks. Family doesn’t exactly seem like the ties that bind when you grow up related to a vast assortment of people you never see, and I’ve often taken my family for granted. Last year that changed in a way I didn’t anticipate.

My husband Mark and I started our own family unit a year ago when our son Noah was born. His presence has changed our lives wholesale. Every day starts bright and early with his smiling toothy grin, and is measured in new learning, giggles and hugs. Now we consider his needs and well-being in every thing we do, and we try not only to shape him into a smart, loving adult but also to make his world a good place to grow up. When I started thinking about Noah’s future, the importance of family became clear. Mark and I benefit from each pair of helping hands, and Noah benefits immeasurably from the involvement of others.

The African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” often is used to explain why community is an important resource for a child, and it applies equally to the importance of making the most of an extended family. Each loving, involved person in Noah’s life is a gift, a resource and a potential source of confidence. As a mother I feel it is my responsibility to populate Noah’s village by valuing and nurturing the relationships he has with our family members. I make an effort to have Noah spend time with any relative who shows an interest in being a part of his life. I involve our family in Noah’s world every day, providing access to pictures, stories and developmental updates via my website. And I let family members know that we value the impact they can have on Noah’s life, whether they are half-, step-, once removed or far away.

In some cases, this mission to restore and grow our family bonds required me to set aside old issues that caused rifts in my relationships; it also reminds me to ignore some of the formerly bothersome quirks each of us has and appreciate each family member as a valuable asset. The process has had a positive outcome for me as well. I’m learning to let old problems fade away and savor the positives in my past and in the people in my life. I believe that on Noah’s path he’ll gain different things from each caring person, things that Mark and I as parents may not be able to give him at any given moment—a different perspective, additional knowledge, a sympathetic ear, a helping hand.

Preserving family bonds is sometimes difficult, but the payoffs are huge for us and our children. So during the holidays if Grandma is being a bit of a pill but her love for your child is clear, the cousins are dying to see the kids but you don’t feel like trekking out to the hinterlands, or you’ve fallen out of touch with your brother because of distance or laziness—think about the impact on your village.