You have to give him SOME rope

Wasn't that weekend weather to die for? And thankfully this week is supposed to be just as exquisite.

Saturday afternoon we headed to see Uncle Ed Ford at his abode in Princeton Junction. We chatted in his back yard while eating potato chips, pizza and coca cola. Just writing that brings back my tummy ache. Noah of course stuck to oatmeal and breast milk. Smart boy. With a diet like that I should envy his figure - but somehow his thighs are even doughier than mine. His abs however are as flat as a board. The boys talked tech toys, TV and contrails while I just marveled at the sunshine. And I SWEAR Ed took more photos of Noah than we did - which is still an INSANE amount of photos. And I'm happy to report we talked to Ed about wiring Patrice's house for the dying hamster cam and he's putting together a strategy.

A major point of discussion on Saturday was our possible purchase of a new computer. It seems pretty certain that we may have to use some of our tax refund to dig in and buy a new system before the one I received while working at CDNOW bites it and leaves us dead to the modern world. Ed says the best way to go is to buy Dell. You folks got any input on that?

And like so many of our friends Ed has joined the ever-growing cult of Comcast DVR. On one hand we don't really want to spend any more money on television related expenses - however there would be a major plus to having a DVR. Judge Judy. Let me explain. We have significantly decreased the amount of television time we enjoy since we had Noah. The American Pediatric Association has recommended that children under the age of 2 not watch television and we are currently sticking to that. As a result the TV is not on during Noah's waking hours - except if we are listening to one of the Music Choice cable music channels. So we really only watch TV from 8pm until 11pm (like we can stay up that late - HA!). My husband however is missing his gal Judge Judy - the only woman he may love as much as me. And if we had the DVR we could set it up to record Judge Judy and Mark could spend time with her whenever his heart desired. The idea of taping only the things you really want to watch and watching them when YOU want is really appealing especially when you have limited TV time. Of course we can't even get it together most nights to watch something from Netflix. So who knows? It might not be worth the $10 a month. But our friends who have it rave about DVR so much that you think they were getting commission on the deal. Anyway, Saturday was lovely - lovely weather and lovely visit with Uncle Ed.

My blessed mother came to our place to baby-sit Noah yesterday afternoon so Mark and I could go to the movies. Because what else would you do on a beautifully sunny spring day other than sit in a dark theater? Well it's Philadelphia Film Fest time and in past years Mark and I have seen between 5 and 10 films each year. Along with Fringe Fest it is one of our favorite city activities, so I was feeling a little crestfallen this year when the film booklet came and it seemed obvious we weren’t going to be seeing squat. Happily my mom agreed to come to our place two Sundays in a row so Mark and I could go catch two matinees - and feel a little like our old selves. HA! When the time came yesterday for us to leave for the theater I felt like a wreck. I really didn't want to leave Noah and not because I didn't trust my mom. He hadn't taken a decent nap all morning and after Mark said Noah had a bit of a freak out last week when I went out - I was convinced he would cry the whole time we were gone and both he and my mother would be miserable. And it would be all my fault. You know what I fear the most? I know it is absolutely ridiculous - but I fear loss of Noah's trust. Like he is going to feel abandoned for that brief time and it will scar his emotional development and he'll never love me the same way. INSANITY, right? I know. Anywho - needless to say when we returned from the movie my mom said Noah was SO MUCH FUN while we were gone. He didn't fuss once. And I have to admit a weird little part of me felt disappointed. Like huh - I thought he's miss me more. WIERDO.

The movie we saw, "Mysterious Skin," was very good. But I would hesitate recommending it to anyone because it was also very disturbing. The subject matter was so emotional and so graphic that I felt physically ill by the end of the movie. It contrasted the coping mechanisms of two small town teenage boys who were sexually molested at the age of eight. And the flashbacks were seriously hardcore. I don't know how you get a child actor to perform in scenes like that - what you tell them the movie is about. The kid who played Tommy on Third Rock puts in an amazing performance as one of the teens. Patrice had said to me in the past that she couldn't handle this sort of subject matter because she was a mom and it put too many scary thoughts in her head and now I see exactly what she meant. I walked out of the theater thinking about how vigilant you have to be in order to keep your child safe.

So I guess the wrap up for this weekend has me realizing what a paranoid freakish mom I am already. I just love him so much and I don't want him to hurt. EVER. Of course this is impossible. It seems such a fine balance between protecting your child and suffocating them. I'm sure Mark will have to remind me many times over the course of Noah's life that leaving him some room to grow is not neglect - and that if I protect him from everything he will experience nothing. And that is not the kind of life I want for my baby. The best parts of my life I can attribute to throwing caution to the wind - so I have to not only let Noah do that but also encourage it as he grows. GOD this is hard work.