Smiles are the best medicine

As some of you know Noah and I have spent the last couple of days at the Quakertown hospital. I could get into the details of my step-father Larry's terminal illness or relay the none too funny story of having my father admitted to the same hospital to take up Larry's former bed when they moved him from the ICU - but this blog really isn't the place for those sort of details. I will say quickly though that it appears my father's ailment is not too serious and he should be out of the hospital at any moment today - though unfortunately I can't say the same things for Larry.

I'm not too sure how my Mom would feel about me disclosing info on Larry's condition in such a public forum and plus this blog is primarily for Noah stuff. So I will just comment that a baby in a hospital is like a ray of sunshine from heaven. Quakertown Hospital doesn't have a maternity ward so all the residents and nurses alike were just so pleased to see Noah's smiling little face so they could take a break from the dealing with the sadness of illness. It was a constant barrage of "How old is he, "His eyes are enormous," and "He's so beautiful." And many times I heard "Enjoy him." This comment is the one I receive most often from women who have already raised their children. They go on to tell me how each stage felt like the best, how the years went so fast, and how much they treasure memories of their kids when they were little. And one day I'm sure I'll pass on the same info. But until then I will remind myself to "Enjoy him."

So Jen asked me the other day what makes the first three months the hardest - and I thought that was are a really valid question. Both the parents and the baby make the first three months the hardest.

For the mom (won't speak for Mark) I will say lack of experience is the most significant factor. For your first one this has got to be the biggest deal because you don't know ANYTHING - even if you read all the books - so every little thing seems like a big deal. But even for later children you don't know the child yet - and since every child is different and it takes awhile to learn their cries, learn their likes and dislikes - the learning curve is difficult. Change is also a huge component since overnight your life is changed into something completely different. Take everything you did on a typical day and throw it out the window. You start your life anew with no routine to follow. After three months you will have established patterns and schedules and after that is seems SO much easier. Also mom is physically recovering from labor or surgery and if you breastfeed it can take you that long for your nipples to "toughen up."

A newborn is harder than a slightly more developed infant for a few reasons. Newborns have no sense of day or night at first so they will often take a few weeks to sleep longer in the night. This lack of sleep for the parents makes a huge difference. Developmentally a newborn is just not as fun as an infant. They are tiny and precious but they have no real personality yet. They eat, sleep, evacuate and cry. Crying is their only real form of communication. Newborns do not make eye contact, do not giggle, do not smile and do not play. This definitely makes the first few months harder and once they can finally really connect with you it feels AMAZING. But that reward isn't really there at first.

There are probably a bunch of other reasons too - but those are the ones I can think of right now. So when everyone says "The first three months are the hardest" they are in no way kidding. That isn't to say that there aren't some wonderful things in the first few months - I still adored them. Mark and I already look back at the pictures of Noah's first couple of weeks and say fondly "Do you remember when he was that teeny tiny little worm?"

The blog may be a bit spotty in the next couple of weeks as Noah and I plan on spending a bit of time going back and forth to Qtown to spend time with Mom and help her and Larry out in any way necessary. Most likely we will just be hanging at Mom's house so she can balance all the hard times with time with her smiling, giggling grandson. Oh - and maybe me too.