There was a couple minutes this morning where I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. I was laying on the hallway floor nauseated, sweating, and having abdominal pains and Noah was squawking in discontent from his Exersaucer. I called Mark and told him to look up the symptoms of appendicitis. He said nausea, sweating and abdominal pains. Luckily I think I was just suffering a minor stomach issue. It subsided after a spell in the loo. But for a couple of minutes I was in a panic. Not about the hospital or the operation but "WHAT ABOUT MY BABY?"
What does one do with an infant if you get sick? Of course this is not the first time I have thought of this. I worry about coming down with the flu, breaking a limb or being briefly incapacitated. One thing I think about frequently is falling down the basement steps while the baby is napping. If I were knocked unconscious while Noah was napping would he just scream in his bassinet until Mark came home or would he master climbing/rolling out and fall on the floor? Would Mark know if he didn't hear from me all afternoon that something might be wrong?
I know. I deserve a Nobel Prize for worrying at this point. It's just so weird to have this other little person who is totally dependent on you. I can't really do anything without having to think about what would he do, where would he be at the time. It really is an overwhelming thought.
2 comments:
That overwhelming thought is a big part of why I usually can't fathom motherhood. When things get too stressful, too uncertain, or even just too hard, I have a tendency to bail. I check out, in most cases, mentally and/or emotionally, but in some instances, physically. My biggest fear is that I would have a baby, not be up to the challenge, and walk away.
That said, I was at one time terrified of marriage, and I haven't bailed on that. Or even thought about it.
I hope you're feeling better. Thanks for sharing your Nobel Prize-worthy worries.
each thing that happens, you wind up just doing what you have to to get through it. think back on your pregnancy and having to walk home with the box of stuff from your work on your last day...you just get through it. you'll look back on these years and be like, how the hell did I do that?
you do what you have to and think about it later.
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