I didn’t blog yesterday, not because I was too busy but because I couldn’t think of anything to write about. So that shows you where my head is. We leave on Saturday for vacation and it couldn’t be one minute sooner for me. It’s been a long hot summer trapped in the air conditioned house.
That 7 tag list got me thinking a lot about what I can do. Truth is that part was hard for me because there are very few things I think I can do. At least unique interesting things that I can do well enough to brag about. In fact I don’t think anything falls into that category. Don’t get me wrong – I can do many things passably, but I’m not really exemplary at much. It’s kind of a depressing thought. Very depressing in fact. On and off during my life I have thought of myself as a writer – typically when I’m not doing any writing. I think half the population falls under this delusion. When I actually have to write something I feel like a phoney, like I’ve been fooling myself because I’m a mediocre writer at best. And at those times I think “Gotta stop thinking about pursuing this writing business.” It’s not that I’m bad – what I mean is that if you pick a group of people off the street I could probably write better than the rest of the group, however in a group of people who write for a living I’d perform at the bottom of the barrel.
I’m home with Noah now, and I’m very happy about it. But someday in the not too distant future I’m going to have to decide what I want to do - in addition to being a mom. And for as long as I can remember I have hated hearing the question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Most of all when I’m the one asking.
Please note: I am not fishing for compliments. I don’t want to receive comments like “I think you’re an excellent drinker” or “I always thought you were a grade A smoker. Why did you give it up?” I’m merely sharing my feelings here. Maybe you’ll get a more refreshed and fulfilling post later. I didn’t get a lot of sleep again last night.
10 comments:
are you just thinking you'll need a career/calling when noah goes to school, or before then? i wouldn't worry about that; just being a mom is changing the life of your son.
there are times when i really miss my career, but truthfully, being a mom has made some of it seem very frivolous in comparison.
I struggle with writing as well. I never planned to be a writer, but it's an important part of being a scientist. I can write lecture notes no problem, but I have a horrible time with scientific writing like writing a journal article.
The only way to get any better at writing is to read a lot and to write a lot. I'm actually hoping that consistently writing in my blog will help me be a better professional writer. I may be delusional, but it also might work.
As far as what you do when you go back to work, if I were in shoes, I wouldn't worry about it. Actually I probably would worry about it, but I would advise others not to worry about it (if that makes sense). It's possible that when you and Noah and any of his future siblings are ready for you to go back to work that something really great might show up that isn't even on the radar right now. That's what happened to my mom. She didn't work from my birth until I was 15. Then she was basically begged to go back to teaching and she loved it. It was the right school at the right time. And she was scared to death that she'd be no good at it. And she was really good. She's a so-so parent, but I think that she's a pretty good teacher.
I JUST got done writing a comment in katiemagic's blog about how excellent your attitude is about making the choice to be a sahm. seriously. go check it out.
one thing you do supremely well, better than anyone I have ever, ever known, is to cut yourself short. did you see some of the things that people wrote down? hell, I put "lactate". and I was proud of that. I hope and wish for you that you can take pride in the little accomplishments. like lactating. or being able to follow a recipe. and not giving up on yourself even though you want to.
I love you...
I think we all have those feelings of inferiority. I know I do. When I was little I wanted to be a singer and every time I would sing with my mom accompanying me she would call Becca and have her come show me how it was done. I remember thinking "Who are you kidding? You've got that to compete with". Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous. I am blessed with having truly amazing talented people around me and one of the curses of being human is not being able to see your own wonderfulness. Just know that you brighten people's days with your writing and you can't ask for much more than that.
Oh gosh, I SO relate to this post today. I've been starting to think about getting back into the real world after being home with my kids for 6 years now, and I have no idea what that will even look like. I don't know what I can do anymore other than feed kids and do laundry. I didn't really have a career as such before having my kids, and have no idea what I even want to do. I'm hoping that I will get lucky like Patrice's mom, and when the time is right, something fabulous will appear. Hear that, Universe? Send something cool my way, please?
Weird. I just posted a comment on Lonna's blog about how I passed up a great opportunity to pursue a career I desperately wanted, because I felt I wasn't good enough. I feel the exact same way about music that you feel about writing. Yeah, if you put me in a room with a group of my friends, I'm probably going to be the best at analyzing 18th century counterpoint. Stick me with a bunch of musicians, though, and I'm a complete hack.
And whenever I think about trying again, I'm haunted by this phrase that my evil great aunt (a TEACHER, no less) once said to me regarding my chosen career path: "Those who can't do, teach."
Hell.
Anyway, I won't give you a bunch of compliments, because a) you said don't want them, and b) you have to know you're great at lots things (ha! I snuck one in). Hopefully, knowing just about everyone else feels the same way sometimes is enough.
I can't think past next year much less what I'll do when I go back to work. Couldn't someone just pay us all to blog?
I'm not sure when I am going to return to work. It could be next year it could be in several years. It could be fulltime, partime, or just a little work from home. It depends on many factors - so I do alot of thinking about when I'll go back and what I will do.
I'm thrilled to be at home. My problem is that financially that probably isn't going to last forever.
Seems almost every one can relate in some way today. Thanks guys. That helps.
Usually you're musch better at something than you think you are. I'm sure you'll go back to doing something when the time is right for you. You could do part time, or work for yourself; you're going to be working on a PR project soon, right? Maybe something along those lines.
Just don't be too hard on yourself. I'm glad you can take the time and be with Noah - it's so important, and you'll never be able to look back to say "I wish I had."
Hope your day is going along smoothly and you have a chance to get a better night sleep tonight.
Thank you for being such a lovely person.
I have told you this sooo many times. You are intelligent, with wonderful common sense, and a great work ethic. You will be able to do anything whenever you are ready. Right now, you are the best mom ever!! Take it from someone who manages alot of people - I would take 10 just like you as soon as I could get my hands on them!!
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