First I must thank my wonderful husband. On Saturday he installed a permanent baby gate in our upper hallway by Noah’s room. Though Mark is considerably handier with the pen than the drill – it seems to me that it wasn’t his fault that he had to install the gate three times. In fact I’m sure it was the fault of the directions to that cheap ass gate. I mean doesn’t it make more sense to install the brackets on one side of the hallway and put the gate up before installing the second set so that you can make sure they connect? The directions are banking on our walls being exactly 90 degrees to the floor and completely straight – which is like assuming that Noah knows how to wipe his own butt. I just have to commend Mark for being patient and getting the job done with very little fuss. I think I probably would have thrown said baby gate out the window had it been me.
Yesterday we trekked to Mark’s Dad’s place for an early celebration of Mark’s 34th birthday – which is this Friday. Mark’s Dad Martin and his wife Sylvia hosted Mark’s grandmother Laima and my Mom and Stepfather in addition to Mark, Noah and I. I don’t know about you but when we get our respective families together it drives me a little nuts. They are just SO different and everyone seems just a little uncomfortable – and for some odd reason I get VERY tense. I listen to everything every person says and wonder what everyone else is thinking about it. Keep in mind that I suggested this gathering because though these things make my hair stand on end I know they need to happen for our families to gel more over time. And I NEED to have less separate family functions to attend and more “bring everyone” get –togethers. It’s a little easier now that we all have Noah as a distraction. When he wandered into another room and I followed I was relieved to not have to continue listening and examining. Of course everyone was fine and it was a lovely evening.
The only big scandal maker was God – it seems Sylvia and Laima were asking my Mom when we were going to get Noah christened. My family is decidedly unreligious – and though I have my own system of spiritual beliefs I don’t really believe in the standard Christian almighty God who one prays to so that you can avoid death or win the Super Bowl. I could go ON and ON about what I think – but that is besides the point. When I was pregnant I told Mark that though I didn’t feel the need to have Noah christened that I understood it would be important to his Grandmother, so if she asked we would do it. The way I figured it certainly wouldn’t do any harm – and it would make a 95 year old woman happy. But she never asked so I assumed it wasn’t a big deal and was happy to have avoided having to cope with the mess of figuring out who would christen our baby since we don’t practice any organized religion. Guess it’s still a big deal – though why no one ever asked me or Mark about it I certainly don’t understand. And in my opinion the window of opportunity closed. Think I’m wrong?
15 comments:
the window of opportunity for getting a child christened is always open, for most religions. adults still get baptized. some religions actually make you wait.
the problem would be that you'd have to find a church that would christen your baby - because you and mark are not members. sometimes you can get around this by paying the church a large sum of money, which...I won't comment on. it really depends on the religion, which again is a problem. what's laima's religion? I hope it's not catholic, because if it is, even if you want noah to be baptized catholic, you have to find 2 practicing catholics of opposite genders to be the godparents. and good freakin luck with that.
if it helps, we're in the same boat. which is why we're having a giant birthday party for bella, in the hopes that it takes the place of a christening and distracts people from the fact that to many, bella is a little ball of sin crawling all over the place.
Dermot WILL NEVER be baptized, christened, or touched by a priest (I figure we would all burst into flames). It makes it easier when we are both devout (?) athiests. Lonna's dad is a deacon and could do it, but I'll fight him before I let him do it to my little evil child. I'd rather him be evil than religious, but I'm a (anti)zealot.
I think it's you're decision, and the way I figure it, for those who do believe, isn't it bad that you do it for anything other than the best reasons? I'd always figured religious people would find it objectionable anyway.
I still think Lonna's parents think Dermot is a "bastard" because we didn't get married in the church...
Wow, I just noticed my spelling and grammar was atrocious in that last post.
We haven't baptized Dermot either. Ethan's parents haven't even mentioned it. In fact his mother was shocked when his brother had his daughter baptized in the Catholic church.
I'm sure that my parents are freaking out. They are insanely Catholic. My dad grew up with the whole Irish Catholic thing. He only attended Catholic schools, he went to a Catholic boarding school, and he even went to a Catholic university. He became a Deacon when I was in college.
My mother converted to Catholicism from being a Southern Baptist (she was baptized at 12 or 13). She's been a teacher and a principal in Catholic schools, and now she's a religious education director of a parish. They live and breathe this stuff. I am such a huge disappointment to them.
They, however, don't bring it up. I think that they might be afraid to know what I really think about the whole church thing. When they have asked me what religion Ethan grew up with, I always say I don't know. And that's the truth. I always forget if it's Methodist or Lutheran. He gave it up when he was in 9th grade, so it's just a non-issue in our house.
We're afraid to leave Dermot alone with my parents because we don't want them to baptize him behind our backs. I would be so angry at them.
well, as far as i know the window doesn't really close (as patrice said). but, i think she's right in that you have to be members of the church most of the time. perhaps you know someone who could just come to a family gathering and say a little blessing for noah? that way, it could be fairly benign, and the in-laws would be happy. no matter what you believe, i think it's always fine to say a little blessing wishing the best for your sweet baby. good luck with figuring all that out.
I'm with jodie. We never had Sophie blessed, which is kind of the LDS equivilent of the christening. My mom was sad, but not as upset as I though she would be. She's probably saving that for when she turns 8--the age when Mormon's are baptized, and she isn't. Erik jokes about what I'll do if she decides to "be mormon" when she grows up. Banish the thought.
Tough call. I agree with Ethan - I've always thought it would be ten times worse to participate in a ceremony that means absolutely nothing to me than to politely opt out of it. If I had a strong belief system, I would probably be offended by someone who didn't believe in said system going through the motions just to make me happy.
That said, I know if Todd and I had a child, his parents and my grandmother would absolutely think the baby was destined for hell unless he/she were baptized. If it comes to that, we'll just let them know he/she is going to hell for a whole host of other reasons, including his/her desire to spend eternity with his/her parents who will most likely be whooping it up with the rest of the demon spawn by the time he/she gets there.
I agree with most of what's been said. If it were me I wouldn't want someone to go through the motions just to make me happy. But to the grandparents and other religous family members it isn't just a ceremony. To them it's a matter of saving a soul. Do I agree? No. I don't think that if the child will be raised with those beliefs under which he was blessed, baptized, christened, whatever, it'll make any different. Ultimately it's the parents decision and later possibly the childs. Religion is a touchy subject for families.
I am not an organized religion person at all. It's just not for me with the "you must do this or you go to hell's" and the "gay people are the devil's" and what not. But I still think that some of the traditions are lovely, and a blessing of a baby is one of those. Of course I don't know if when you do that you promise to bring the kid up in that religion or what but anyway those are my two cents.
Wow, run on sentences much? Must learn to edit.
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