Holy crap! I am planning to leave the house tomorrow night and go to a bar to celebrate a friends birthday. And get this - I am horribly terrified and not looking forward to it. Wierd, huh? Well there are many parts of it - none of which have to do with leaving my son in the very capable hands of my wonderful husband. The biggest reason (literally) is that I am huge and have nothing to wear that makes me feel at all presentable and certainly not cool. And that isn't just a weight thing. My lactating breasts are too large to fit in anything smaller than a tent. The next reason is my willpower. On March 11 it will be one year I have been smoke free. It was relatively easy for me to quit after I got pregnant and I could no longer go out for a few beers. It was always the smoking and drinking connection that ruined all my past attempts to quit. And now tomorrow I can have a couple of beers (within reason obviously) and I will be hanging out with smokers. I am SO scared I will want a cigarette. A third reason is that I have forgotten how to be sociable in a group - especially containing people who I don't know. I mean if I meet someone for the first time tomorrow night what the hell am I going to talk about? Lactating? Noah's nap time? His adorable dolphin noises? These things are very important to me and valid topics of discussion - but I doubt others will agree. I really am apprehensive - as if it were my first day at school. Luckily my best friend and sister in lactation will be with me and we can't stay too long since we have infants to feed.
But what the hell am I going to wear - dammit. Pants that fit my postnatal pouch are gi-normous and unattractive. Shirts that fit my lactating breasts are gi-normous and unattractive. THIS is why I just wanted to stay in the house until June. Guh.
Well, I better go start dinner before my wee one wakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment