I'm thankful every day!

Every day I look at Noah and I feel so thankful and blessed to have given birth to such a happy, healthy child. Not only had I feared I would not be able to have a child, but once pregnant we had a real scare about Noah's health.

Getting pregnant wasn't as easy as I expected. In July of 2003 Mark and I planned a trip to Paris over my 29th birthday as our last childless hurrah before we settled in and planned to have a baby. I foolishly thought it would be only a month or two before a child was on the way. Though my doctor reassured me many times that it could take a healthy fertile couple an entire year to conceive naturally, every month that passed without me getting pregnant made me more convinced that we weren't going to be able to have a baby. I began researching global adoption and when my best friend Patrice told me she was pregnant, though I was overflowing with joy for her, part of me felt mournful that I wasn't. But after several months of charting my cycle and disappointing outcomes, on March 11 2004 I found out I was finally pregnant. And amazingly, because Noah was early and Patrice's daughter Bella was late, our children were born only five days apart. Not only was I blessed with a child, but also with a friend with whom to share my pregnancy and child rearing experiences.

And my pregnancy was a little worrisome too. At week 18, June 18th, we had our first ultrasound. At the actual visit the sonographer didn’t mention any concerns. In fact we were pleased that the baby looked well and that the photo really did look like a baby and not an undecipherable blob. But the following week Dr. Murthy asked me at my regular OB appt if the sonographer had mentioned the bright spot they had seen in the heart during the ultrasound. She emphasized many times that it was nothing to worry about but that they had seen a small bright spot in the heart and on the very slim chance that it was a signifier of a chromosomal disorder that they needed to do a follow-up ultrasound. She told me there was no rush to have the second ultrasound as it was merely a precaution and she wasn't concerned. But once I got home and we did some research on the Internet, Mark and I discovered the bright spot or "echogenic focus" they saw could be a signpost for Downs Syndrome. We were on edge for two weeks until our next ultrasound, but we decided not to share the information with anyone else because it seemed unnecessary to alarm everyone. Our second ultrasound was on Friday afternoon, July 9th. We had hoped they would no longer see the focus or merely rule it out as insignificant and that would be the end of it, but at that ultrasound they saw an "echogenic bowel" meaning that Noah's little bowel was showing up bright on the ultrasound. This was a second signpost for Downs Syndrome. Unfortunately the Genetic Counselor had gone home for the day and we couldn't see her until Monday morning. So we cried and worried for our babies health all weekend - looking up all sorts of things on the Internet. We soon realized from the doctor's comments and our research that what they had seen on the ultrasounds were not clear signs that Noah would have Downs Syndrome - but they were two among almost twenty things that they sometimes can see in Downs Syndrome babies in utero - however individually they were also found in normal children. Detecting them in our ultrasound just increased the possibility that Noah might have Downs Syndrome and therefore to rule it out the doctors were suggesting we get an amniocentesis - which was the only clear-cut way to be sure either way. Mark and I talked about it a lot and because an amnio holds a risk for miscarriage, and because finding out if our son had Downs Syndrome would not effect our decision to keep him - I felt really strongly that it was not necessary to have the amnio. My mom was the only person we told at the time and she was so worried about everything that she decided to come to the counseling session on Monday. On Monday we met with the counselor and after discussing the mathematical possibilities of Noah having Downs Syndrome and our feeling that we would have him regardless- we decided against the amnio. We decided to just stay positive and try to progress with the pregnancy as normal. I decided I didn't want to tell many people about the ultrasound scare because I didn't want there to be a negative shadow on the pregnancy - but I eventually told a few people like my best friends Patrice and Janette because I'm not good at keeping anything in. At week 28 and week 36 we had follow-up ultrasounds because the doctors were still considering it a high risk birth - but both of them saw no negative signs. In fact both the bowel and heart cleared up. And though as Mark said "Whatever you have in there is ours and we will love him regardless" we felt absolutely blessed when Noah was born with perfect health. All the worry the doctors caused us seemed cruel and unnecessary in retrospect, but the positive side of it is that we didn't take Noah's health for granted. It seemed like a gift from the gods.