The gym calls.

The challenging part of having a baby for me is my complete lack of freedom. By my own nature I am very serious about attachment parenting. It is the way in which I need to raise my children, how I feel good about it. And thus prior to the age of two I have very rarely been apart from them. As a result of me being there 24-7 to care for them for the first two years, they are very attached and suffer seperation anxiety on the few occasions on which I am not with them. But Noah, now 6 years old is SO comfortable out on his own now. He adores school, doesn't fear us leaving him with friends or family and is a total social being. This happened so naturally and gradually and I really think it was ideal. And Ray is making his way too. He looks forward to school now and goes on playdates without me, even sleepovers at grandparents house without incident. Their secure attachment to me did, in my mind, give them confidence in themselves and surroundings. And well, I'm a clingy thing and that's how I've done it and have enjoyed doing it that way.

Lee however is my current 24-7 need machine. But after 9 months I am feeling the need to get some time away. I want to get a gym membership - I feel and look like hell. So I am hoping that Mark can man the helm for a few hours a week so I can get some regular air - more regularly than I have had in over 6 years. It's not going to be easy. I have a hard time stepping away. And Mark will have to endure some seperation anxiety crying - which makes me feel so bad for Lee and for Mark. But it's time. I need it. And a few hours a week shouldn't be too crazy. And not only will Lee have Mark, he'll also have Noah and Ray. So how could he possibly miss little old me?

Now to get that gym membership. I haven't worked out regularly in about 7 years!