Wastin my down time. As usual.

Mark and Noah just left on an adventure to go see Nana and Pop Pop. Ray just went down for a nap. If the napping gods are good to me I might have two whole hours to myself. I am going to try to not waste it all on the computer. I have laundry to do (YIPPY!) and a book to read. So I’ll try and make this brief. I have a million videos and pictures I could post but feel like I’m overdoing that.

Aside from when I was in the hospital after giving birth to Ray, this is only the second time Noah has been away from me for the day. And he’s never been away from me overnight. Kind of insane, right? I know. I’m getting better at letting go – I need to. He’s ready and I’m tired. And my Noah-free time isn’t exactly vacation. I’ve still got Ray to attend to. And I probably won’t be away from him for more than a few hours for at least another six months. It’s hard work being a clingy bitch.

Ray is in a developmental whirlwind. He’s getting his sixth tooth. He’s clapping. He’s signing for milk and all done. He’s really steady on his feet and cruising. He’s discovering sand and dirt – and how they taste. And he is hysterical. I really do love this age. So much learning. And it’s amazing just watching his little personality bloom. He’s such a fun-loving little daredevil. Already at this age you could tell how smart Noah was – the way he would really play and analyze toys. But you could also tell how cautious he was, especially socially. However Ray is all about motoring around and sticking things in his mouth. He doesn’t have much interest in toys otherwise. Except to use them as drums. He loves making noise with things. And he is a lot more social with adults, children and other babies. He’s very good natured and easy going. But he’s also stubborn and not as easily steered out of trouble like Noah was. I don’t think I will ever stop being amazed at how different they are. And yet both so unbelievably awesome. Not that I’m biased.

I don’t know what else to say about Noah that I haven’t said a million times before. He’s so smart, so imaginative, so musical, so affectionate. He’s just learning constantly and loving life. And yet he’s also three and very emotional at times. He can get angry or start freaking out about the smallest thing. And he’s at that stage where he gets so frustrated being told what to do all the time. Of not being in control. He’ll say “Things aren’t the way I want them to be.” And he’s such a restrained well-behaved little boy that you can see him wrestling with demons. I can tell when he’s angry how bad he wants to lash out and hit or push but he knows he shouldn’t so he’ll knock something over or grunt and push into me without using his hands. Or drop to the floor crying. I’m happy to say he is usually easily coaxed out of these little fits and even happier to say that they really only happen with us and at home. He wouldn’t dare act out where others could see him. But GOD this stage can be taxing. It’s wearing me out. Every day I hit a point where I’m tired of managing him through his little emotional breakdowns – especially while trying to tend to Ray. I don’t know how people who have kids with real behavior issues hold it together. My guess is that they probably get more breaks.

And that is why Noah and Mark are on an adventure. Oh… and I’m wasting all Ray’s napping time on the computer. Bye.