Like sand through the hourglass

I’m still here. I’m managing to survive solo days with the boys. In fact it seems to be going fairly well. The secret to my sanity is just keeping busy. I have to get Noah out of the house every day because for me it’s far harder to care for the baby and entertain Noah all day at home. Plus the baby does better out of the house too – new things to stare at wide-eyed – that is when he’s not sleeping. So we’ve been to the Please Touch Museum, to the Smith House twice, to the library, to a few playdates and then to do assorted errands.

Of course that isn’t to say we haven’t had some challenges. Noah has got me racking my brain over two issues. The first is mealtime. Noah is a good eater. There isn’t anything he won’t consistently eat and he eats plenty. However he takes FOREVER to do so. He’ll sit at the table for over an hour with me begging him to pick up the pace – meanwhile he’s off in his own little world, talking, singing, making sound effects and playing with his food. I’ve suggested setting the timer for meals and if it goes off and he’s not done eating he won’t get dessert – but he absolutely panics when I suggested it. One night in his sleep he shrieked “Don’t turn on the timer!”

The other problem is bigger. Noah has always had a difficult time disengaging. If he’s in a zone, having a good time and you try to tell him he needs to stop what he’s doing he is less than thrilled. And when he’s the least bit tired he reaches hysterical meltdown levels. These are particularly alarming because Noah is normally so well behaved, so reasonable and so good at expressing his feelings. But when he’s shrieking, crying and making irrational nonsensical demands I’m at a loss. It’s like a Jekyll/Hyde situation. In fact normally after calming down he’ll say of his own accord “I’m sorry I was crying. I was a little tired.” But when he’s in the heat of one of those crazy moments there is nothing I can say to get him out of it – I just have to wait for him to boil over and run out of steam. This is particularly taxing when Ray is awake and requiring care at the same time. On Wednesday after twenty rounds of "I don't want to go. I want to do ONE MORE THING" I had to carry Noah crying, kicking and screaming from the Smith Playhouse playground with a sleeping Ray strapped to me in the Bjorn. It was nasty. I have to pull out my parenting books to try and refresh myself on the dealing with tantrum strategies. Suggestions?

Noah’s first day of preschool is on Monday. He’ll be going on Mondays and Thursdays from 12 – 2pm. When anyone asks “Are you excited to start school?” Noah says “Yes. But it’s gonna be a little sad because Mama won’t be there.” But I think he’s going to be fine. Today we went to an orientation and he got to meet some of the teachers and play with the toys. At first he was hanging by my side and asking me to come and play with him but I told him no and encouraged him to play on his own. As I suspected he glommed on to a teacher who put a bunch of puzzles together with him – and then he was ready to strike out on his own. I asked him before bed tonight if he’s going to cry when I drop him off on Monday and he said “No.” I told him some of the other kids, the younger kids might cry and he told me he’d help them stop crying because he was a magical king. I might need a magical king to stop my crying on Monday – but I guess Ray will be enough of a distraction.

But I have a feeling that Noah is really ready for school. Just in the last few weeks he’s seemed so much more social at picnics and parties we’ve been at. At a picnic at my Dad’s place he spent all day running around with his cousins James and Julius and at my Aunt Jill’s surprise birthday party he was cavorting in the disco lights with his cousins Aelan and Evan. Both times he barely seemed to notice I was still there – and that feels really good and also makes me sad. It’s like he’s a REAL LIVE BOY! GOD – the time is going by so fast already. Blink and I’ll miss it all. Any day now I’ll be one of the older ladies in the grocery store oohing and ahhing over random children and telling their mothers “I wish my kids were still that small” and “Treasure every moment.”

And with the passing of each day Master Ray grows. He’s two months old today. He’s really begun cooing, throwing his arms and feet around and smiling. His awake and content time is increasing and I look forward to him “doing” things like playing with toys and laughing. He is happiest in a sling or in my arms. Seems he didn’t get the memo that second babies should be content to hang out alone and untended to for long periods of time. Like Noah he wants to always be close and cuddled. Don’t know how on earth MY kids got to be so emotionally needy. Ha. Mark says “It’s not my fault. You are the one that doesn’t like to be alone.”

Hmmm. Me. What is up with me? Well I look a mess. I need to lose 30 pounds and I desperately need clothes. I’ve realized that for the most part I wear disposable clothing. I buy almost everything from Old Navy – because of the basic styling, price and convenience. And I only have a handful of things that I wear and wash and wear and wash until they are shrunken, threadbare or stained – so by the end of every season my clothes are trash. Add to that the increasing and decreasing weight with the pregnancies and it gets all the more complicated. I have nothing remotely fitting and flattering for fall – forget fashionable - and I don’t have the time or money to buy anything. It makes me want to hide in the basement in my maternity tank tops and faded, saggy Levis.

I have to rap this up because I have TV to watch with my husband. We’ve actually been Netflixing a lot of TV shows lately. We were never watching the movies we received – the two hour time commitment seems too much when you’re exhausted after putting the kids to bed. So we switched to shows and have really been enjoying Weeds Season 2, Extras Season 2 and Dead Like Me Seasons 1 & 2. Next on the list I believe is Dexter as well as 30 Rock. And I’m eager for The Tudors to be released. Also considering the 4400. Anyone like that? (I should italics and link all those titles but screw it.)

Oh and I’m SUPER behind on blog commenting but not so much on reading. I can get to a site and read with a baby in one hand and a toddler hanging on my leg – but can’t type. So I’m sending comments via super internet brainwaves. Anyone receiving those? Julie? Katie? Lonna?