Suspension of disbelief

I don’t much enjoy alone time. It’s how I’ve always been. And I’ve had plenty of it – being on my own, living on my own in the years before Mark. To me alone time is good for reading, and that’s about it. I’d much rather be with the ones I love – sharing my experiences makes them that much richer. Sometimes I feel like the years I spent alone didn’t really happen. If I’ve lost touch with the friends I’ve had at a certain time it makes me feel like that period happened to someone else because I can’t exchange the memories with a friend. My years at University of Pittsburgh, my living in London – was that me? I can barely recall it since I don’t talk with anyone that can spark the memories.

Everyone says Moms need alone time – and I understand why generally that’s true. But I also realize every Mom is different and needs different things. That being said – today I have some alone time. 6 hours of it. I’ve not had that many waking hours to myself since Noah was born – not because I couldn’t have had it but because I didn’t really want it. But today Mark took Noah to visit Nana and Pop Pop. It’s their first road trip without me – and I’m trying to hold it together. Mostly because I fear fatal car accidents more than anything else. But this trip needs to happen – because Noah and Mark need some time with just each other. A new baby is coming and with two kids dividing and conquering is a necessary method of pareanting. Noah needs to adapt to spending time alone with Dad – and Dad too. Oh, and me too.

So here I am – worrying about my boys on the road. Other than that, I know they're fine. In the past few months their bond has really flourished. Noah didn’t squawk once about leaving Mom behind, he was excited to go on a trip with his Daddy. I’m the one most at a loss. So what am I going to do with my alone time? I’m headed to the theater all by myself to see a double feature. I could have invited a friend to join me – but I didn’t want anyone judging me for feeling worried or eating too much popcorn, didn’t want to have to pick out movies with someone else, or work around anyone else’s schedule. Yet being in the movies isn’t really like being alone – it’s being wrapped up in someone else’s experience. And today I could REALLY use the distraction.