Rotted to the core

As a family Mark, Noah and I are really blessed with several supportive and generous people in our lives. I know that if we needed anything or just wanted something we could go to my Mom, my Dad, Mark’s Dad or his Grandmother for help and they would help us out if it was in their means. And God forbid Mark were to unexpectedly lose his job or we were to lose our house in a fire, I’m sure there would be fights about who gets to put us up and help us out. That is a really nice feeling to have and I hope Noah always has that feeling without taking advantage of it. The holidays saw us overflowing with gifts both tangible and monetary in nature – and though that is far from the meaning of the Christmas season, we certainly feel grateful not just for the gifts but for the love behind them.

Some of you might remember the rant I went on about using the word “spoiled” to refer to children. As I explained, to spoil is to damage irreparably, to ruin permanently – and I don’t find it proper to talk of children in that manner. Of course my sensitivity to that word is based on the fact that it was used by family members to describe me. I don’t think it was used so much to describe my demeanor as it was describe the fact that they believed I was excessively indulged in a material way, by my mother in particular. My mother raised me as an only child and she was always very generous to me within her means, as was my father, however his means were never as great. Even when my mother was struggling to pay the bills she would use any extra to buy me the name brand sweater I wanted or take me to Disney world. This generosity and my mom’s interest in giving me the best she could afford is what caused many people to think of me as spoiled. And I’m sure it’s still occurring.

In the years since I graduated from high school my mother has moved up the ranks in her field and her career has become very lucrative. She’s not rich, but she’s comfortable. More comfortable than she probably ever dreamed, especially since she doesn’t have a college degree. And she’s even more generous now than when she was when I was a child. She loves to shop for others as well as herself, and she’s started college funds for every child in our family. And of course she is most generous with Noah and I.

I worried when I decided to stay home with Noah that my mother would be disappointed. She loves her career and has a very strong work ethic - and I felt that she wouldn’t respect my decision. I was very wrong. Not only has she been emotionally supportive of me being home to raise Noah in the early years, she’s gone above and beyond in helping out financially. Not just in showing up to our house with necessities like diapers, clothes and food – but also treating us to niceties that are not essential enough to fit into our budget. She treats us to things that we would otherwise have sacrificed.

Which brings me to this – yesterday she booked a vacation for us all to go to Jamaica in April. Mom and her husband Larry took many trips to the Caribbean and very much enjoyed it, so much so that she always thought she’d like to share it with us. And since Larry was battling with cancer the last couple of years, it’s been quite awhile since she’s been able to get away. And she could really use it now. So this Christmas she asked if we’d like to go away with her in the spring and we couldn’t be more excited.

By nature Mark and I aren’t really beach resort vacationers. We like to pick a city and do research to find out about the history, the things to see, the places to eat. And the whole time we’re away we’re on the go, to the point of getting little sleep and wearing our feet out. But with a toddler it’s a bit impossible to tour the sights in the cities of the world. Hell, we saw one thing a day when we went to Jim Thorpe for a weekend. So at this point a beach resort vacation is ideal. Plus, they say the secret to a good gift is to give someone something they will really enjoy but wouldn’t necessarily buy for themselves – and this trip to Jamaica fits that bill. I just can’t wait to see little Noah dancing in the waters of the Caribbean.

There are two things that worry me about this trip. The first is in my control – whenever my mother does something over-the-top generous for me I always fear that my thanks won’t be enough, that I won’t seem grateful enough, that she won’t really know how much I appreciate what she’s doing and all that she does for me. And the only way to fix that is to make sure she knows, to the point of her getting sick of me talking about it. The second is not within either my control or hers – it’s all about the others. I can already hear the chiding voices of people talking about another thing that my mom did for me. I know from experience that there are those who pay quite a bit of attention to what my mom spends her money on and what she does for me, and I know there are those that still think of me as spoiled. But I can’t really help that. Can I?